Horoscopes
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: May 18-24
May 18, 2020Written by Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: Is that special someone (who isn’t actually that special, but you’re acting like they are) not responding again? They say you either get bitter or you get better. So, how will you handle it? Perhaps a revisit to that diary from your youth. You can write your frustrations in right after your recollection of a field trip to Science World. Taurus: If you keep counting all the magnets on your fridge like that, your eyes will burst out of your head. Take some time to count all the rotten fruit you have left…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: March 16–22
March 16, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Oh, did you hear that on the grapevine? It’s an earwig, and she wants you. Taurus — April 20–May 20 This week, you run this town. That comes with…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: March 9–March 15
March 10, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You yearn to rest this week, but you may find it difficult to properly recharge. You’ll try to learn from your phone’s example, only to be faced with a…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: March 2–8
March 3, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Wherever you walk this week, the ugly truth about those in the immediate vicinity will follow. Solve this by spending your mornings bathing in a big vat of melted…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: February 24–March 1
February 25, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week, you may find answers to your introspective queries in pop songs from the 2000s, so long ago. Katy Perry’s Hot N Cold was never about one of…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: February 17–23
February 17, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Read a book this week. You never know when you’ll earn a bonus 1% in class for being able to recite the first 500 words of the Necronomicon. Taurus…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: February 10–16
February 10, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week, tell your suitor that it’s French kisses or nothing — and you really do mean French kisses. If your date’s lips can’t whisper Jean de la Fontaine’s…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: Feb 3–Feb 9
February 3, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week, some might call you an evil-hearted monster for spilling the tea to your seminar section about which of your classmates have been skipping class to go underwater…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: Jan 27–Feb 2
January 29, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week, you’re tempted to drop projects that have no fruitful end in sight — for example, your annoying friends. Resist the impulse. Your long-term investments will pay off;…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: January 20–26
January 21, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You’ll sweat a bit this week. You think your friends might be playing “kiss, marry, kill” with your id, ego, and superego, all behind your back. Chill out and…
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