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SFU Hockey takes two of four points on first Vancouver Island road trip of season

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Sports
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Forward Kyle Bergh scored the game winning goal against the Vikes. - Photo credit / SFU Hockey

By: Michael Lenko, Peak Associate

On their first of two Vancouver Island road trips this season, SFU Hockey came away with a win over the University of Victoria (UVIC) Vikes and a loss against the Vancouver Island University (VIU) Mariners. By taking just two of four points from the road trip, the Clan remained in a tie with the Vikes for fourth place in the British Columbia Intercollegiate Hockey League (BCIHL) standings — albeit, with three games in hand.  

In the first game of the trip, the Clan made the trek to Victoria to square off against the Vikes at the Ian Stewart Sports Complex. The first period had an even pace of play, with both teams taking a ton of shots. The Vikes scored the only goal of the period on a late powerplay, as a Keenan Eddy shot eluded the Clan’s starting goaltender Andrew Henderson.

Early in the second period, the Clan responded with a powerplay goal from Jake Keremidschieff. It was his second goal of the season, assisted by Ty Westgard and Eric Callegari. The Clan continued to hold the pace of play throughout the period and outshot the Vikes 18–11. Both goalies were impressive in the period, and in the game in general, and kept the score 1–1 heading into the third.

In the third period, the pace of play evened out again with both teams pushing for the two points. Just 20 seconds into the period, the Clan took the lead on a Ty Westgard goal. However, the Vikes promptly responded, as Otis Goldman evened the game for the home team with just under five minutes left. The Clan finally took the lead for good, with Kyle Bergh scoring the eventual game winning goal, putting the Clan up by one with just under two minutes left in the game. While the Vikes poured on the pressure in the final moments of the game, a turnover led to Mac Colasimone scoring on the empty net to clinch the victory. 

The game was a much closer affair than the 3–0 win the Clan was able to secure in the first matchup between the two teams this season, as the Clan only held a narrow 42–39 shot margin this time around.

In the second game of the weekend, the Clan squared off against the VIU Mariners at the Nanaimo Ice Centre. The Clan came out to a slow start, with the Mariners outshooting them 16–6 in the opening frame. This dominance eventually paid off for the Mariners, as Garret Murray opened with the only goal of the period.

The second period saw the Clan regroup and provide a much more competitive effort than their lacklustre first period. Eric Callegari tied the game up on on a five-on-three powerplay early in the frame. However, the Mariners reclaimed the lead soon after on Murray’s second goal of the night. The Clan once again leveled the score, this time on Mac Colasimone’s second goal of the weekend. The Mariners restored their one goal lead for a third time, this time on an Alex Hanson powerplay marker late in the period.

The wheels fell off for the Clan in the third as they were looking to tie the game for a third time. A temporary lapse in team structure midway through the period resulted in two quick Mariners goals, which put the game out of reach for the Clan. Gavin Rauser and Ronnie Wilkie scored just over a minute apart, effectively sealing the win for the Mariners. 

VIU ended up outshooting the Clan 45–28, which was one of the most lopsided shot margins against the Clan this season. While the second result of the weekend is definitely a disappointment for the Clan, there were a few positives to be taken from the weekend. Andrew Henderson was strong in net for the Clan on the weekend, stopping 77 of 84 shots as he made both starts on the trip. He now sits in second place in both save percentage and goals against average in the league. Another positive was fourth year forward Mac Colasimone continuing his torrid scoring pace. Colasimone now has a total of 11 points on the season through just seven games.

After the road trip, the Clan can now look forward to a three game home stand in which they will host the same two teams they just visited. After hosting the Vikes, the Clan will welcome the Mariners to the Bill Copeland Sports Centre for back-to-back games on November 22 and 23. 

Sunshine and psychedelia: Babe Rainbow at the Fox Cabaret

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Arts
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High quality music, low quality iPhone photo. Image courtesy of Andrea Renney / The Peak.

By: Andrea Renney, Arts Editor

Babe Rainbow is from Byron Bay, Australia, and they certainly sound like it. Their brand of psychedelic rock evokes feelings of summertime, surfing, and sunshine. This aesthetic might be more commonly associated with Southern California in the ‘70s, but I suppose the sunny climate in Australia lends itself to the same kind of music. Regardless of where they come from, Babe Rainbow makes music that’s perfectly nostalgic. It’s psych rock, but it’s also disco, surf, funk, and soul. Music to do acid to, if you will. Alternatively, music to see live at the Fox Cabaret on a chilly November night.

The Fox is one of several intimate, funky venues in Mount Pleasant. It’s been on Main Street since 1983, and it has a colourful history: until 2013, it was actually an adult film theatre known as the Fox Cinema. The Fox reopened (this time as the Fox Cabaret) in 2014 after major renovations, transforming it into a performance venue known for showcasing live music, comedy, and weekly dance parties. Despite the venue’s change of clientele, the decor is still reminiscent of the seventies, with a black and red color scheme and questionable shag carpet on the walls. 

I arrived at the Fox shortly after the opening act, Fever Feel, finished up. It was unclear to me if this was Babe Rainbow’s first time in Vancouver, but the sold-out crowd suggested it wasn’t. That, or we Vancouverites just crave music that takes us away to somewhere warmer. 

Numerous people in the tightly-packed crowd were already wearing the band’s t-shirts sold at the merch table: pale blue or orange, with “Babe Rainbow” printed in small black velvet lettering. Simple, but effective. Others had clearly dressed up for the occasion: floral, paisley, and corduroy peppered the scene as we waited for the band to go on.

Around 10:30 p.m., Babe Rainbow took the stage. The band’s overall appearance fit in perfectly with the Fox’s vintage vibes: the lead singer was decked out in enviable red bell-bottom pants, the drummer donned a fashionable headscarf, and the guitarist had the most luscious long blond curls I have ever seen. 

Right from the get go, they had the crowd dancing throughout the venue. The vocals sounded a bit muffled, but the band’s groovy melodies more than made up for it. Standout songs from the night included “Peace Blossom Boogy” and “Johny Says Stay Cool,” both from 2017’s The Babe Rainbow. The extended instrumental breaks in a lot of their songs gave us even more of a chance to really get down.

What sets Babe Rainbow apart from similar psych/surf rock bands is the clear disco influence in some of their songs, such as the aptly-named “Monky Disco.” It’s a unique sound to hear today, but it’s a refreshing take on the trend of ‘60s and ‘70s-inspired music. A song like “Morning Song,” on the other hand, sounds like it could’ve been sung by The Grateful Dead at Woodstock. Apparently, rock and roll and disco can exist in harmony.

The band played for about an hour; just long enough to transport us to a sunny locale and a different era. Here’s hoping these feelings of peace and love last until spring.

Be angry at the bosses not the striking bus drivers

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Opinions
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Bus drivers perform a much needed service — all the more reason to support them. Photo: Chris Ho/The Peak

By: Dylan Webb, Sports Editor

On October 31, contract negotiations between the Coast Mountain Bus Company (CMBC) and Unifor, the union representing approximately 5,000 bus drivers and maintenance workers, broke off. The resulting job action began with a uniform ban and a commitment from maintenance workers to refuse overtime work. Seabus service has been disrupted, and 41 bus runs have been cancelled as of November 7. Further intensification of job action is a distinct possibility, as the two parties in the conflict appear to be far from an agreement, with no new talks scheduled at the time of writing. 

While the inconvenience posed to the public is an easy starting point for media coverage, it’s important to pay attention to the issues workers are bringing forward. We must understand what’s at stake in a conflict like this and, more importantly, why workers are willing to risk negative public perception to go on strike. 

Transit workers have brought forward concerns over wages that have not kept pace with the cost of living, as well as secure benefit packages. Inadequate recovery times between routes have been flagged as an additional key grievance. Gavin McGarrigle, western regional director for Unifor, explained that bus drivers are often given mere minutes to recover, use the washroom, and reset for their next route. He stresses that “workers are not machines, they are humans” and that “they are at a breaking point.” 

We shouldn’t buy into easy narratives of greedy employees asking for too much. This rhetoric only benefits the companies that are exploiting their workers. Given that transit operators make a wage that tops out at $32 an hour for the most senior employees, the argument that transit workers are greedy should have little relevance in this conflict. There’s more at stake than simply wages, although let’s be honest: a bus driver’s wage isn’t giving any of them a life of luxury. 

Of course, given the significant importance of public transit to a large segment of the population, it’s not surprising that public sentiment regarding the strike has been partially negative, as evidenced by much of the comment section on a Global News article covering the story. While citizens are rightfully concerned about compromised commutes, focusing our anger on the drivers and maintenance workers who are fighting for a fair and dignified working environment is misguided. 

Striking is one of the only ways workers can exercise power and defend their rights and standard of living when employers ignore their grievances. I know from personal experience, having had multiple family members go on strike during their working careers, that workers and their unions don’t take the decision to strike lightly. Going on strike involves a lot of unpleasantness for workers, including but not limited to: lack of wages, potential backlash from the public, and, in many cases, long hours outside on the picket line, exposed to the elements. Striking is not something that is done without careful consideration for the costs to the public, and the risk and discomfort workers inevitably face. 

Fight the urge to get angry at striking transit workers. Direct that anger instead toward a company that is refusing to consider demands for decent pay and benefits and a reasonable amount of recovery time between shifts. Remember, this is not the bus drivers’ fault!

 

The week ahead in SFU Sports: November 18–24

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Sports
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Photo credit / SFU athletics

By: Dylan Webb, Sports Editor

With soccer and football season winding down, the week of November 18–24 offers a very light SFU Sports schedule, with only Clan basketball and hockey in action at home. Here’s a brief breakdown of the SFU sports action lined up for the week. 

Men’s Basketball:

A second consecutive single-game week for the SFU Men’s Basketball team has the team hosting Douglas College at 7:30 p.m. in the West Gym on November 23. 

Women’s Basketball:

The SFU Women’s Basketball team concludes their pre-season schedule this week as they host the University of Colorado Colorado Springs on November 22 at 7 p.m. and Western Colorado University on November 23 at 5:15 p.m. Fans can watch both games at the West Gym. 

Hockey:

Continuing the first half of their 2019–20 schedule, the SFU Hockey team hosts the Vancouver Island University Mariners for back-to-back contests this week. The two teams will face off at 7 p.m. on November 22 and 3 p.m. on November 23. Both games are at Bill Copeland Sports Centre. 

Men’s Wrestling:

The SFU Men’s Wrestling campaign kicks into high gear this week as the team travels to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho to take on North Idaho College on November 23. The following day, the team moves to Washington for the Spokane Open. 

Women’s Wrestling:

A single meet this week for the women’s wrestling team has the team headed south to Washington for the Spokane Open on November 24. 

Cross Country: 

The SFU Cross Country team is headed to Sacramento, California this week for the NCAA National Championships on November 23. 

Volleyball:

Embarking on their final road trip of the 2019 season, the SFU Volleyball team will look to roll into the playoffs on a high note as they take on Northwest Nazarene University on November 21 at 6 p.m. and Central Washington University on November 23 at 7 p.m. 

SFU holds budget consultation to get input from community

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News
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By: Jess Dela Cruz, News Writer

Money: a huge factor when it comes to post-secondary institutions. Quality education, resources, labs, and various opportunities come at a price — a very expensive one. 

Martin Pochurko (Vice-President Finance and Administration) and Jonathan Driver (Vice-President Academic and Provost, Pro Tem) presented SFU’s 2020/21 budget to the public where members of Tuition Freeze Now (TFN), the Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU), the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS), and concerned students were able to view the budget and ask questions. This team plans to also present at the Surrey and Vancouver campuses on October 29. 

Pochurko started the consultation with a presentation of the budget allocation of the university. He stated that any tuition fee increase for domestic students is capped at 2%, by provincial law.  He then continued to discuss financial investments from the 2018/19 school period. $40.2 million was spent in various upgrades and renovations throughout the Surrey and Burnaby campus. Among other projects, $7.1 million was allocated to research space at City Centre, $5.5 million for the plaza renewal, $6.7 million for the First People’s Gathering House, and $5 million in renovations towards Applied Sciences.    

Pochurko also stated that, “three or four years ago we had only about $500,000 to operate and maintain all three of our campuses. [The campuses] have a placement value of about 1.5 billion dollars so you can see [that maintaining them] on 500,000 a year is quite a challenge. [. . .] We’re now at the level where the provincial government has provided $30 million per year to do renovations. SFU needs to match 33% of that price.”

Currently, there are a plethora of capital investments that SFU has undertaken. SFU is working on technological improvements, upgrades to classrooms, Phase I & II Dining & Housing, Grad Student Housing at UniverCity, Lorne Davis Complex Renewal, and others. Pochurko stated “Some of our classrooms are certainly stuck in generations past, not flexible in the way that we like to teach today.” 

Pochurko’s presentation showed that SFU has a heavy focus on residence and housing. Phase I includes 475 beds, which they hope to have ready by January 2021, and an approval for Phase II with 350 beds. SFU hopes that the new dining hall can accommodate residences, 80 of which ARE “dedicated to mature and graduate students, and students with families, primarily.” Pochurko stated that they will be building the residences, and subsequently “sell it off on a long term lease to an investor.” 

Pochurko claimed that “two to three years ago, you would have noticed that the provincial grant was bigger than the student tuition so the money the province was putting in was more than the tuition.” 

He said that “the formula has changed rapidly over the past decade or so,” and that “more money has been generated through tuition than the provincial operating grant.” He added that tuition for international students has gone up significantly because it’s “the one flexibility that the university has to relieve [financial] pressures.” 

Driver then took his place at the podium and continues to discuss the fee increase specifically. He presented two options for the increase, both of which have 2% increases for domestic undergrads, 4% for current international undergrads. However option 1 has the increase at 4% for incoming international undergrads, and option 2 has it at 8%. 

“It’s simply disingenuous to suggest that we would support a 0% tuition increase because it would result in cuts to the university and the activities we do here,” said Driver. 

Driver mentioned that 25% of the increase increase for international students will be designated for student support and related services. He also promised that, with an 8% increase, that international students will not have an increase greater than 4% in the subsequent five years. 

A question and answer period followed, in which concerned SFU Students, Tuition Freeze Now members, GSS members, and TSSU members questioned and provided feedback to the finance team. Many of them criticized the allocation of money in the budget. One person in particular stated that SFU spent $42,000 on a golf and resort casino.  

After the presentation from SFU administrators, members from Tuition Freeze Now surprised the Finance Team with their own ‘budget consultation.’ They rolled in their own television, and TSSU member Jorji Temple stated, “We thought we would share some of the results of a very limited consultation we’ve done over the past month, which was a survey that reached 145 SFU students with a few very simple questions, rated on a scale of strongly disagree to strongly agree.”

For the claim “Tuition is too unaffordable for domestic students” 86% of students agreed. Further, 89% strongly agreed that Tuition is too unaffordable for international students.

Several more survey questions followed, and Temple stated, “as we follow through these questions, you’ll notice a similar set of responses to each of these tuition levels despite the fact that students are paying different amounts.”  

One question in particular was notable, where 66% of respondents strongly agreed that tuition rates have had a negative impact on their mental health. 

After this interview, Driver said: “I’m not sure there is a sensible response to that survey except to say that tuition is one of the costs that students have to endure . . . we will continue to work to try and improve accessibility and do our best to keep costs reasonable. But there are costs that we have to cover and not covered by government funds”

In a follow up interview with Quentin Rowe-Codner on behalf of Tuition Freeze Now, Rowe-Codner expressed that “When the consultations were conducted the admin had already decided on the budget.” 

Rowe-Codner’s concern is why the Finance Team would not show a breakdown of what a 0% increase would look like. Row-Codner said, “The reason why they didn’t show us is because if they did, we would see where their misshapen priorities and needless expenditures are. We already know that students and faculty aren’t a priority to them.”  

Rowe-Codner mentioned “As tuition raises every year, more and more people are barred from getting an education merely because they can’t afford it. Last year and this year we talked to students who had to drop out, move, or had to skip out on meals because all of their money was going to tuition. Additionally, as students have to take up more shifts to pay off tuition, they’ll have to take less classes per semester, which means more years at SFU, which means more money in semesterly fees. Education should be accessible to everyone, and students can’t afford another tuition increase.” 

To all the Grindr guys I’ve loved before

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Humour
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Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor

Dear blank profile, 

You were my first love, and I’ll always remember you for that. Except I don’t even remember your name, because it wasn’t on your profile. 

I had just downloaded Grindr, using a photo that wasn’t mine. Before you say anything, no, this wasn’t a catfish situation. Technically I used a shirtless photo of someone whose body looked kind of like me. So I wasn’t completely lying. Just kind of.

I guess lies are to blame for our fleeting romance. I lied by not using my own photo. You lied by putting “can host” in your bio. When I asked you what kind of parties you do, you said that you didn’t do parties. So technically you couldn’t “host,” blank profile. Regardless, we eventually lost touch, and I stopped hearing from you (except for randomly at 3 a.m. sometimes). 

On some nights, I think I see you while I’m scrolling through the torsos and the smiling faces. But then I remember you showed me neither of those. I hope one day we can reunite, our true selves on display.

 . . . Come to think of it . . . I don’t actually know what you look like . . .

Love, Jason

 

Dear guy from my high school who I didn’t know was gay until we saw each other on Grindr in second year,

I know the exact day it all started. We got caught in the fall rain waiting for a truant 145. (Perhaps I have our declining transit system to thank for bringing us together.) We made brief eye contact, right after I saw that your profile was the closest. I could tell you noticed me too, because in a matter of moments, I got a Grindr notification. 

Actually, that notification was from another sex party trying to get me to attend. But the notification after was from you — I promise. 

You messaged first and said, “hey didn’t you go to my high school?”

It was right then. That’s when I knew, all the way down to my soaking wet boxers . . . from the rain, of course. 

I love you, guy from my high school who I didn’t know was gay until we saw each other on Grindr in second year. I might have loved you for all of high school. I think you might have loved me back. At least, that’s the narrative I’ve created for us.

You moved away, and I haven’t heard from you since. But trust me: our high-school-strangers turned long-lost-lovers romance was everything to me.

Love, Jason

 

Dear Craig from Los Angeles,

It’s the last day of my trip, and possibly the last time I will ever hear from you because we live so far apart — and you refuse to continue Grindr conversations with people more than 10km away. Remember the second day, that time you messaged me nine times when I didn’t respond right away? I told you I couldn’t check Grindr because I didn’t have Wi-Fi, and you messaged back “lol k”. Hehe.

The constant messages to meet, unsolicited NSFW pictures, and frequent taps helped me forget all about my homesickness. I think I might’ve left LA early if it hadn’t been for you, Craig. 

(Not to mention I really couldn’t afford to buy another ticket. Plus I was actually busy with daily plans because I came to visit a friend. But, you know, you helped too.) 

Also you’re a really amazing bedroom self-photographer. Have a really good rest of the summer and– 

Oh, you just messaged me, like, six times.

Anyway, have a really good rest of the summer and a really good life.

Love, Jason

 

Dear Joel,

 I loved you first. By all rights, you were mine. And then my best friend’s ex-boyfriend loved you. And then my ex-boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend loved you after. And then the ex-boyfriend of this guy I went on, like, two dates with loved you too. And then a friend of a friend of mine loved you next. And then this random guy I follow on Instagram somehow managed to love you after the friend of a friend of mine. And then a mutual friend between myself and another guy I met on Grindr loved you after that.

Look, the point here is that everyone knows everyone on this Godforsaken app. But I just had to point out that I was first. 

Love, Jason

 

P.S. I still love you. And so does that friend of a friend of mine, I think.

 

Dear Friends Only,

First of all, who goes on Grindr just for friends? Just so you know, Grindr friendships sound fake, but go off. 

Did you know that when you messaged me, I would come to love you? Sometimes I think yes — definitely yes. Why? Because NOBODY is on Grindr for just friends. 

That’s what I hate about you, Friends Only. You insist you’re on Grindr for friends only, but your messages’ sexual undertones say otherwise. Everyone wants to be more than just friends with you. Including me. 

And sometimes I think you want that too. There was something about your first message, that “hey,” that made me think this “I’m just on here for friends” persona was a facade. The one-word messages kept coming and I only fell harder each time.

Maybe that’s why you messaged me, Friends Only. To do mind control on me, to make me see you that way. It worked. Your little trick worked. 

Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it? To know that they’ll never feel the same way? Probably not. Just-friend-maniacs like you don’t suffer through those kinds of things. 

Now that I’ve overanalyzed everything you’ve ever sent me, I know for sure that I’m over you. I’m immune to you now, Friends Only. I’m not glued to my phone at all times waiting for your next message. I swear. 

If you wanted to hang out though, I’m down, I guess. 

Love, Jason

The protests in Chile are yet another example of civil unrest due to rising inequality

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Opinions
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Protestors have taken to the streets in the millions in Chile. Photo: Susana Hidalgo

By: Kelly Grounds, Peak Associate

It seems that the entire world is protesting right now. From Lebanon to Catalonia and Iraq to Pakistan, protests seemed to constantly erupt throughout October. One of the most prominent protests to emerge is the one currently gripping Chile. These million-person-strong demonstrations started as a result of a proposed $0.04 increase in subway fares in mid-October.

The protests are not solely about the subway fare, however. If that were the case, they would have ended when the Chilean president repealed the proposed increase soon after declaring it. While there is no unified goal laid out by the protesters so far, the root cause of the protests is clear: decades of inequality.

According to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), Chile remains the most unequal of the 30 richest countries. There are gaps in reforms within the pension plans, the public health system, and tuition system. With all of these issues colliding and being ignored for years, it becomes easier to understand why a fare increase — no matter how small — on the metro would be enough to push the country over the edge.

Considering that the protests in Chile are largely centered around the economy, it is important to understand how it got so bad. Chile’s economy is based on the model created by the Chicago Boys, a group of Chilean economic students who were sent on exchange to Chicago in the late 50s. Upon returning to Chile, the group implemented a neoliberal economic model based on what they had seen in the US. The model focused on minimizing government involvement in the economy and has remained in place since with minimal changes. 

Similarly to all of the other protests, Chile’s was born out of peoples’ frustrations over being ignored for so long by their government. For years, the people of Chile have been asking for a reform of the country’s social and political systems in order to give everyone a fair chance. The explosive nature of the protests as well as their longevity shows that leaders cannot ignore their citizens without consequences. As global inequality continues to worsen, other leaders should take note of Chile and take their own citizens’ complaints seriously. The consequences could be dire if they do not.

Phase Two of SFU’s upcoming housing plan will add 369 beds to Burnaby campus

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News
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Premier John Horgan announces new residences at SFU campus

By: Jess Dela Cruz

The Residences at SFU are the first home for many students at SFU, particularly those that come here from outside of Vancouver. On November 1, Premier John Horgan, President Andrew Petter, and Honourable Melanie Mark made a presentation at the Beedie School of Business to announce SFU’s Phase Two housing plan to improve the housing experience on campus. At a total cost of $104 million, the government’s loan of $73 million will assist in these new projects. 

The additions include housing to accommodate an additional 369 student spaces and the expansion of the current dining hall to seat over 800 people. The priority of Phase Two is the improvement of student well-being in a way that adds richness and quality of life to campus residency. Horgan commented that “…to have that type of investment in campuses means that young people and those who get later learning in life will have a place to live on campus [and] have the rich tapestry of living with colleagues who have the same struggles rather than being spread across the lower mainland.”

According to SFU’s Phase Two website, some of the aims of the new initiative are to “foster social integration and connectedness, provide students with modern, up-to-date residential spaces, create intercultural, inclusive and supportive environments.” Additional details on the plan can be found on the residence community news housing website.

The Peak interviewed current SFU resident, Kaitlyn Yap, to discuss the experience of living in residence and what she thinks of the new housing plans. Yap, who came from Calgary for the Theatre Performance program, says that living on campus is the easiest option for her and that she “never has to worry about invasion of privacy [or] alone time.” In the time she has lived on campus, Yap has been able to create strong friendships in the residency community and hopes that the new buildings can further foster student groups. 

Melanie Mark, MLA for Vancouver-Mount Pleasant and BC’s Minister of Advanced Education, Skills and Training, as well as an SFU alumnus in 2005. She realizes that one of the priorities that students need is a place to live. 

“It’s more than having a desk and having a bed. It’s about having thriving and winning conditions. But there’s more. These buildings are going to be energy efficient. We’re building cleaner, greener buildings for the next generation because we know that’s what we have to do as government and as politicians and as ministers.” 

Residency and dining hall improvements were included in the 2020/21 Budget Consultations held throughout October. This official announcement appeared to have been received positively by the audience in attendance. During question period, there were few questions asked about the initiative from the audience or members of the press.

Petter adds, “This is a big win for students who will have better housing. It’s a big win for renters who will see the pressure taken off the housing market. It’s a big win for communities working towards long-term housing situations. Good for students, good for renters, good for communities.” 

The dining commons expansion is estimated to be completed by Spring 2021 and the student housing completion to be for Fall 2022.  

 

Texts From Last All-Nighter: what SFU says in the depths of academic fever

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Humour
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Written by Shangrila Plaza, SFU Student

(227)

: yo

: I need stupid names to name a pigeon

: wrong answers only

***

(228)

: It’s 2:50am

: finish your essay.

***

(293)

: Hey, u up?

(294)

: yeah I’m picking out my casket. I’m thinking hot pink with glitters.

(293)

: lmao u good? What happened? 

(294)

: I have two finals to write and an essay due in 4 hrs and I locked myself out of my dorm on my way back from pooping

***

(333)

: bro i’m so screwed. 

: I skipped my Wednesday lecture. now i have a quiz today on that lecture. Well, I guess I’m bombing this quiz

(334)

: bruh review rn

(333)

: Nah

: when u commit to failing you really gotta commit

***

(417)

: yo what’s a thesis statement again? 

: nvm… how do i delete a text message?

***

(476)

: hey, I’m studying at the library. Wanna get me food?

(477)

: I can’t rn. It’s late anyways, just go home and eat there.

(476)

: but… I live here now.

***

(553)

: yo what midterms do we have today?

(554)

: it’s 2:48am on a Saturday

***

(623)

: i can’t believe how expensive peas are. I mean wow they have a relatively high market value.

: if I flunk outta university u best believe i’m farming peas. 

***

(782)

: not to overreact or anything but i think i’m dying.

(788)

: I died seven academic hells ago

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 12–18

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Humour
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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor

Aries — March 21–April 19

Stop it with the selfishness this week. Make some sacrifices. Like becoming a ritual sacrifice to the dark entity slumbering inside Forum Chambers. Your bone marrow will feed the infernal piano as it plays autonomous covers of the Puella Magi Madoka Magica opening theme in the middle of the night.

Taurus — April 20–May 20

The deep red ink plastering your graded assignments may trigger your dissociative scholar-rage episodes this week. But you must control yourself. You’ve had those assignments back for three weeks now and your TA has already forgotten what your footnotes smell like.

Gemini — May 21–June 20

You have too many responsibilities. No more freaking out, though. Just get under a guillotine and cleave yourself in half. The two halves might regenerate like starfish and delegate the tasks between themselves. Or you might need immediate medical care. But at least your stunting will get you TikTok famous.

Cancer — June 21–July 22

You may feel unsettled lately by vague premonitions of being seasoned, cooked, and eaten alive by a thesis supervisor (yours or your insufferable overachiever friend’s). Dreamwalk your spirit into the depths of the Pacific Ocean. There you will finally find lasting personal calm. And questionable paralytic shellfish poisoning. 

Leo — July 23–August 22

A greedy uncle may plot to kill your father this week. Exile yourself into the wild to find clarity. Age gracefully. Then come home and overthrow him and his hyena henchmen. Or stop mentally writing The Lion King self-insert fanfiction and pick up that work shift that you’re too poverty-stricken to actually refuse to cover.

Virgo — August 23–September 22

You may be fed up with all your professor’s bizarre teachings, easily disproven claims, and fixations on Russian communist painters from the Mesozoic era. Tell him that his doctorate is as illegitimate as abstinence-only sex education. 

Libra — September 23–October 22

Embrace the epiphanies that come to you this week as you shop for responsibly priced pears. What has a greater weight, you may ask yourself, this bag of fruit? Or the participation marks for the Canvas posting I’m skipping out on tonight so I can go extreme couponing with the boys?

Scorpio — October 23–November 21

What a beautiful week to transform into a Mesopotamian goddess’s monster servant and gobble up a wealthy corporation. Take care to poison your prey before you punish them for lying to you about the discount prices on the sale items at The Bay.

Sagittarius — November 22–December 21

You may receive yet another condescending Facebook tag notification from a relative who disapproves of your lifestyle. Comment back that you stand in solidarity with Susan Pevensie of the Chronicles of Narnia and her affection for “nylons, lipsticks, and invitations,” even if white-picket families of the 1950s don’t.

Capricorn — December 22–January 19

You achieved pseudo-divinity when you got rich enough to shotgun Grey Goose vodkas on Saturday nights at UBC frat houses. But you’ll be confronted by more nonbelievers this week. However, fret not. They will religiously syncretize you with one of their own false gods: the on-and-off Krispy Kreme fundraising table in the AQ.

Aquarius — January 20–February 18

Go to tutorial bearing a kindly London Fog for your least favourite classmate. First they will be disoriented by your generosity. Then they will live in terror for the next few days of what your true plans for their soul are. Finally they will understand the true trap: they, like you, have become a prisoner to their own irrational anxieties.

Pisces — February 19–March 20

Your project partner for your class is becoming a true headache. But stop and consider whether or not the annoying one is actually you. Remember how Olympic synchronized diver Blake Aldridge threw his diving partner, Tom Daley, under the bus to the media in 2008 when the Beijing games didn’t go their way? Do you also remember how Daley is today a beloved public figure while Aldridge became . . . who again? Yeah . . . be a Daley this week, not an Aldridge.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024