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Moooooom, people are making fun of Twitter Blue again!

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PHOTO: greenwich _ / Pexels

By: C Icart, Humour Editor

Somewhere in the world, tracked by ElonJet, a vocal free speech advocate takes time off from complying with authoritarian governments’ censorship requests to call his mommy.  

Mom, you don’t get it! It’s almost as embarrassing as that time users voted on my own poll to tell me to quit my CEO job! Sure, the company is now worth half of what I paid for it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still a genius! 

No, mom! The only people who say my current valuation is high are haters! IT’S NOT FAIR! I’ve been busting my ass trying to make big changes to the company, and no one even wants to subscribe. I had to use Daddy’s emerald mine money — I mean, my own money that I earned from building all my companies from the ground up from nothing, to buy subscriptions for other people. And did they thank me??? No! They’re all going out of their way to clarify to their followers that they haven’t paid for it. A simple thank-you would be nice. 

What do you mean, what do I want you to do? I want you to make them stop! Everyone’s acting like I’m trying to give them cooties. I don’t have cooties, mom. I’m cool! Everyone knows I’m cool. They all saw the gun replicas and diet coke on my bedside table. 

THEY’RE. NOT. TOYS. They’re replicas. They make me feel strong, mom!

Yeah, I put the cans in the recycling . . . Can we please get back on topic? I’m basically being bullied for no reason. 

Oh my god, no, it’s not the same as when I made fun of the disabled worker. That wasn’t even my fault; how was I supposed to know he was actually disabled? You know what this is? It’s the “woke mind virus” that’s making people think they shouldn’t pay the price of one Starbucks latte per month so they can have NFT profile pictures. All these woke journalists just don’t get it! I’m so tired of explaining it to them that I changed my press email auto-reply to a poop emoji. Isn’t that clever, mom? It’s funny, right? 

No, no, it’s hilarious because — never mind . . . 

Yeah, I can bring some of the kids over for dinner this week . . . Yeah, yeah whatever, I can’t pronounce their names either. I gotta go; I just thought of another low-quality meme to post. 

There Are Hierarchies of Grief honours lost loved ones

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Peak Web
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A photo of Smokii illuminated by the sun in a field behind a blurred background of leafy trees. He is wearing a plaid Carhart button-up over a sweater with a white zipper. They are smiling calmly while looking into the camera.
@sweetmoonphoto on Instagram

By: Petra Chase, Arts and Culture Editor

There Are Hierarchies of Grief plunges into the way grief suddenly swallows you. The five-minute short film is part of the CBC Gem series, How to Lose Everything, which features five short films about loss. There Are Hierarchies of Grief was a collaborative project centred around Smokii Sumac’s poem, with the help of Indigenous creatives and elders with translation, music, and animation. 

Sumac’s spoken word poem begins with drawings fading in and out of blue hues, notebook lines, and a gentle guitar riff. Backed by a hopeful heartbeat, Sumac’s words and anecdotes tug on deeply universal experiences, like “the kitchen is the best place to cry.” The poem tackles the complexity and spectrum of grief with resilience, love, and acceptance.

Sumac is a trans two-spirit author and poet from the Ktunaxa Nation, which has resided in southeastern BC for more than 10,000 years. He’s currently pursuing a PHD at Trent University in the area of Indigenous studies. He’s also an SFU alumnus, having majored in English and minored in Indigenous studies. We chatted over Zoom about their latest project.

While Sumac honours all forms of grief, which can range from moving, to divorce, to a pet dying, there are some griefs that are “unimaginable.” There Are Hierarchies of Grief is dedicated to “mothers who lost children,” holding “space for the power and weight of that grief.”

Narrated by Indigenous poets, each film in the CBC Gem series is also spoken by the author in their Indigenous language. Sumac hopes that non-Indigenous people also listen to the Indigenous language versions of each film to “experience something new.” 

A Cree translator who worked on one of the films, How to Lose Everything: A Field Guide, spoke on how when speaking or listening to a language, “there’s a spirit of that language and it grows,” Smokii recalled.

Ya·qaqa’ki na ’a·kinmiyit. is the name of Sumac’s film in Ktunaxa, which is a cultural isolate language, meaning it has no genetic link to other languages. It’s also “critically endangered.”  

“In Ktunaxa, we say there’s no word for extinct in our language, so let’s keep it that way,” he said. It took two years of consulting with around 20 elders to produce the final product, many of them mothers who’ve lost children. Getting to work with them and make them proud was a “gift,” said Sumac. “Many of them still have fluency, but there’s not one authority on the language.”

The animation was made by self-taught Atikamekw artist, Meky Ottawa, and the instrumentals were produced by Juno award-winning Anishinaabe and Métis musician, G. R. Gritt, each bringing their own creative touch. Sumac sent them the poem, leaving it up for their interpretation. He emphasized the trust involved in this process, saying, “As a writer, it’s a very solo kind of career [ . . . ] To bring my work into this process was, at first, really nerve wracking.” 

“The first few times I saw the images I was overwhelmed with gratitude at my work being honoured in this way,” they said. “It created a whole new piece really; the poem, when you read it on the page, versus when you witness it in this way, there’s so much more happening and I think the visual allows for different audiences as well.” As for the instruments, Sumac said hearing those first bars brought tears to his eyes.

There was one particular moment in the film that felt deeply personal: Ottawa animated a polaroid photo of Sumac and their younger cousin, who passed away when they were young, swimming outside with mountains in the backdrop. It was an important moment for their family members to see. The sound of children laughing that accompanies the scene demonstrates the happiness that they felt in the moment. “Every time that comes on the screen, I feel like I’m honouring him,” they said.

It’s easy to dwell on the tragedy of grief and let it consume you. There Are Hierarchies of Grief reminded me of the importance of appreciating the good times, too. It showed me that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive; grief wouldn’t sting the way it does without love and joy.

“I know from experience that when we’re in grief, we can feel very alone,” they said. “And I hope that [the film] helps people who are in grief, that something touches them and allows them to recognize that they’re not alone.”

Watch There Are Hierarchies of Grief in English and Ktunaxa for free on CBC Gem’s website, where you can also watch the full series. Follow Smokii on Instagram at @smokiisumac and check out their website. Stay tuned for their upcoming podcast, ?asqanaki, which will feature other Indigenous creatives.

SFU has failed its student athletes

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Peak Web
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The SFU Stadium
PHOTO: Victor Tran / The Peak

By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer

SFU varsity teams have been making headlines this year for all the wrong reasons. Between scrapping the football program, to negligent management preventing swimmers from attending the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) championships — it’s clear SFU has left the future of their athletes as an afterthought. 

In February, SFU Athletics quietly issued a press release about the Lone Star Conference’s decision to forgo another contract with SFU’s football team. SFU was forced to move into the Lone Star Conference last season after their previous conference folded due to a lack of teams. 

But the biggest shock was still yet to come. Last month, president Joy Johnson announced “the end of SFU’s varsity football program” after the team was unable to find themselves a new conference — essentially, a group of teams to play with. Johnson referred to the decision as “difficult” and said “football is no longer a feasible sport for SFU.” 

What I find difficult is how the announcement was a trivial statement just longer than a Canvas discussion post. What Johnson said would be an adequate response if SFU had to cancel a few games — not an entire program.

The statement shows no regard for the dilemma SFU has put its students in. It only exposes the clear disconnect and apathy SFU has for the lapses in judgment it continues to make. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was a eulogy. More sentences were dedicated to talking about the program’s history than taking ownership over the reason why it’s not operating next year. 

If it had not been for the hard work of the 97 impacted football athletes and alumni reaching out to BC MPs, lawyers, and Hall of Famers, SFU wouldn’t have done the bare minimum of reaching out to a special advisor to “review future football opportunities for SFU” at a varsity and non-varsity level. 

SFU recently appeared in court on May 1, after a series of football players sued the school for a breach of contract. Athletes say SFU failed to provide players with the opportunity to play football and go to school like they were promised. Had SFU also chosen to tell players about the program ending earlier, they would have had more time to make a decision about their futures. If SFU is found liable, it will be forced to reinstate the program. 

Assuming SFU was made aware of Lone Star’s decision to forgo their contract ahead of time, why wasn’t there a better backup plan? This is an NCAA program, not a recreational team. Instead of forcing others to involve themselves, SFU should have reached out to USPORTS —  the league they previously occupied before becoming an NCAA school. 

While USPORTS’ current policy requires all members’ varsity teams to compete in the league, which SFU wouldn’t be able to do, SFU hasn’t even bothered to reach out to USPORTS to fill out a formal application to see if they’d make an exception. And until they do so, USPORTS’ hands are tied. At professional levels, teams have received exceptions for contract disputes. The Arizona Coyotes, a team in the NHL, was forced to play out of a college arena this season after the city where the arena was located declined to extend its contract. In the meantime, the Coyotes are in the process of finding a new rink. 

The BC Lions, the province’s professional football team, has even publically stated that if money is the issue, they will gladly offer assistance. However, even they are fed up with SFU. The owner of the team, Amar Doman, says he’s been unable to “get a response from SFU that is anything other than political.”

At this point, it’s pure negligence. SFU even hired a new special teams coach and offensive coordinator a few weeks before the program shut down. Why would you put someone else’s job security at risk if you were unsure whether or not you were even going to operate next year? 

SFU’s reluctance to cooperate with people who are trying to save the program feels as if they were looking for a reason to cancel the program altogether. If SFU can’t play this year, they should look for another conference and prepare themselves for next season. 

If the football team is reinstated at SFU, I can’t see how players could be happy, let alone trust the current athletic executives. The hastiness of SFU to even relay the news to athletes speaks to the need for a middleman. SFU football already has its own society made up of former alumni who work together to raise money and support athletes. It would be great to have alumni representation on the athletic governing board to represent student interest — because SFU isn’t. The university did what was best for themselves in this situation, forcing athletes to fend for the future they trusted SFU to take care of.  

Acting vice president finance and student services resigns

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Peak Web
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Photograph of the Student Union Building at SFU.
PHOTO: Kriti Monga / The Peak

By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer

Editor’s note: Rastko Koprivica, who was interviewed for this piece, is a former Peak contributor. The Peak has taken steps to prevent conflicts of interest or potential bias from influencing the article. 

Rastko Koprivica, the acting vice president finance and student services, resigned one day before the end of his term in protest. Koprovica cites a “severely flawed governance structure” and “hostile work environment,” among other complaints. 

Koprivica is not the first former SFSS executive to accuse the administration of harassment. In his resignation letter, Koprivica said he was a victim of “bullying and intimidation tactics,” and a “witness to other instances of bullying and harassment both in the Executive and outside.” 

In an interview with Koprivica, he reflected on how he was pressured by executives to vote in a certain favour. “If you disagree with folks on policy, you can expect to be singled out and made an example of. Members of council, including myself, would be told ‘If you don’t vote ‘X,’ bad things would happen.’”

To try to combat toxicity in the workplace, Koprivica said he attempted to suggest the SFSS executive committee involve SFU or a third-party specialist to “mediat[e] relations,” but was unable to make anything happen.

Koprivica is also very critical of the SFSS’s governance model, referencing the resignation letter of a former vice president internal. Quoting her, she wrote, “popularity contest, disguised as an election.”

“The SFSS Governance model is flawed as it expects, with little to no training, that Executives manage staff and the entire organization directly instead of just focusing on goals and advocacy,” Koprovica said.

He added that a “return to the standard model of student union governance where an executive director takes care of legal and HR issues would free up the Board to pursue advocacy positions that could benefit students; instead of getting tied up with staffing issues and legal problems with no experience.” Some of the advocacy issues Koprovica believes the SFSS should spend more time looking at are tuition costs, affordable housing options, and food security. 

Another allegation Koprivica is levelling against the SFSS is the mishandling of money. “Board members do not seem to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees,” he stated in his resignation letter, following up with on in his interview. 

“The SFSS would constantly doll out donations all while exceeding the budget and asking external organizations to donate to the SFSS,” he said.

He said if the SFSS would have “been more responsible and applied and planned long term, they would have never been in this financial position right now, which is such a shame as students need funding for services such as the legal clinic and clubs.” The SFSS has made new budget cuts to several committees including the equity, BIPOC, and academic affairs committees. 

In light of this information, Koprivica “forwarded all instances of financial transactions of a questionable nature to the Society auditors.” 

As of right now, Koprovica said the auditors have “escalated their investigations into financial misconduct” and “hopes the SFSS membership gets to see this report when it is done.”

In his resignation letter, Koprovica also mentions he was not made aware of a motion to recommend his censure two weeks earlier. Instead, he found out through public records, despite his attendance earlier in the meeting. The reason behind the censure recommendation was for “not respecting other executives. 

“People are required to be notified of any censure proceedings targeting them, and legal advice is supposed to be sought as well as the reasons communicated clearly. This did not happen at all,” said Koprovica, who believed members were being “deceitful.” 

He added that the recommendation was retracted and he received an apology. 

To close out his letter, Koprivica urged more students to vote in elections and is excited for when the “SFSS isn’t run by those only seeking a position to launch their future political careers but ran by those that truly care about the reason student unions exist.”

The Peak reached out to acting vice president Abhi Parmar for an interview, but did not hear back by the publication deadline. Vice president internal and organizational development Leonarda Ognjenovic declined to comment. 

The Teaching Support Staff Union votes in favour of strike action

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A photograph of SFU’s Academic Quadrangle.
PHOTO: Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson / The Peak

By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer

With a vote of 94%, the Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) has decided in favour of taking strike action to improve working and learning conditions on campus. The TSSU represents over 3,500 workers “who teach and conduct research at Simon Fraser University” but are not considered faculty. This includes research assistants (RAs) and teaching assistants (TAs). 

Despite the fact that RAs are key contributors to SFU’s research endeavours, bringing in $171.6 million dollars worth of grants in 2021, SFU administration does not agree that RAs are entitled to employment and union protections. Similarly, TAs, who often play a large role in ensuring the academic success of students, are struggling to make a living wage. Some of the issues to be addressed through the strike action are: class sizes, workloads, benefits, pensions, and the rising cost of housing. 

“It is really disappointing how SFU has been dealing with the strike,” said an international student. “I wasn’t assigned any TA positions for the summer term, even though I should have priority. TAing is my main source of income and it is so sad to see my strike vote to be completely delegitimized by the university.” According to TSSU, SFU forced the union to meet at the Labour Relations Board in downtown Vancouver to avoid strike action, asserting “tired talking points” that are referred to as “objectively absurd,” such as “students cannot also be workers.” 

SFU has commented on the current situation, stating that while negotiating collective agreements is a complex process, they are “committed to reaching a fair agreement with TSSU.” The university intends to present a monetary proposal that will provide more support for graduate students and “fulfills [their] commitment to becoming a living wage employer.”

Bargaining will continue until May 19, 2023. If a deal has not been reached by May 19 at 4 p.m., the TSSU may take a second strike vote. If the TSSU decides to strike, they may notify the University after the May 19 date. Traditionally, during a job action, if an employer wishes to place pressure on a union while bargaining a collective agreement, they may decide to initiate a lockout which “occurs when the employer closes a place of employment or suspends the work to be done by employees in the bargaining unit.” 

Deep-dive into the Peakflix cinematic universe

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ILLUSTRATIONS: Alyssa Umbal / The Peak

By: C Icart, Staff Writer

The Burnaby campus at Simon Fraser University is home to more than just asbestos, raccoons, and the avocado-egg. It’s also used as a movie set. But the true cultured people like me already knew that. Actually, I know so much about the movies filmed on this mountain, I have a fan theory: all the films shot on the Burnaby campus coexist in what I call the PCU (Peakflix Cinematic Universe). 

So, instead of studying for finals, I have completed the deepest of dives into the PCU. It’s time to show y’all what I discovered (and also fully made up. What? Theorizing requires imagination!)

The doctors
The PCU is full of high achieving scholars. At least eight movies filmed on the mountain have at least one character who’s a doctor. Coincidence? I think not! For all we know, they’re all colleagues. You cannot convince me that Dr. Connors from Agent Cody Banks and Dr. Lane from Underworld: Awakening have never run into each other at a conference.

He’s a 6 but used SFU as a filming location
Another key piece of evidence that connects various films in the PCU is their mediocre IMDb ratings. With a combined average rating of 5.6/10, it’s clear as day that I Still Dream of Jeannie, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and The 6th Day all share a universe. Hear me out: the space mission that Colonel Nelson is on in I Still Dream of Jeannie is probably to investigate the aliens responsible for the spaceship landing in The Day the Earth Stood Still. On top of that, the cloning technology used in The 6th Day is probably the exact same used by the alien in The Day the Earth Stood Still. I have no evidence of this, but how many cloning methods can actually exist? 

Change-makers
The PCU is full of fearless activists. For example, in Antitrust, Milo and Lisa pump their own gas in Oregon. That’s a crime. No, seriously, that’s a felony. But thanks to their unwavering commitment to standing up for what they believe in (the right to pump your own gas), on March 20 of this year, 22 years after the film was released, The Oregon House “overwhelmingly approved a bill to allow self-service options at every gas station in Oregon.”

Honorable mention 
If you squint real good while watching the car chase in The 6th Day, you can see people running. They aren’t running from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s reckless driving through the reflection pond, over the stairs, and across Convocation Mall (this part is true. Check it out here) — they’re running towards Nickelback. True story (or not). 

Suggested For You:

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Peak Web
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PHOTOS: Gudrun Wai-Gunnarson

By: Kelly Chia, Humour Editor

In the Mood for Reflection

The koi in the AQ pond have had enough of SFU students’ ignorance. One day, a kid looks down at the pond — really takes a look at it. Suddenly, they find the answers to the universe in the koi’s eyes. This beautiful debut film will leave you in tears salty enough to make your own reflection pond.

Illustration: A student staring down at the koi in the AQ pond.

Walk Like a Penguin

In this informational short series, learn to stay safe on the ice at SFU! Be sure to walk like a penguin, and hop like . . . an animal that doesn’t hop, ‘cause you shouldn’t jump in the winter. See? What did we tell you? Impeccable safety tips! For more tips, please check out our Road Reports and practice your calm breathing skills as you watch the snow pile on the road with no announcements from SFU. 

Illustration: Picture like, an airplane manual illustration, but with a person in a penguin pose, and a penguin right beside them.

Exploring the Mystery Sounds in AQ Lecture Halls

Have you ever wondered what the sounds above your lecture hall are? So have we! Watch this documentary on the mysterious sounds students hear above them as they sit during lecture. Just a janitor doing their work, or something more sinister?

Illustration: Student with a question mark bubble, looking up as the ceiling above them rumbles

Mask On and Off

In this fun film based on SFU’s half-hearted — I mean, full-hearted — COVID-19 measures, we explore the reality of having such efficient mandates. Thorough methods of protection, like the vaccination surveys no one needed to verify their answers with, the lack of training with Zoom, and more are featured in this creative film.

Illustration: Two halves of a person’s face. One side has a mask, one does not.

Constructing My Heart

Do you believe love constructs itself with cement? We do. In this film, Sally Needsavalentine gets stuck in the scaffolding on campus — but like, in a fun way — and finds herself appreciating the architecture of SFU. Along the way, she finds the metal scaffolding winking at her! What?! Watch this creative love story unfold, brick by brick.

Illustration: A rom-com style illustration, a person smirking as they lean back against scaffolding. Their eyes are on the scaffolding, which is also blushing.

Hot and Cold

This is a story about tenacity. About willpower. And twenty sweaters . . . have we sold you yet? This quirky film stars Jiminy Jacket, a young man determined to get through four seasons in a day at SFU. Jacket is, of course, an exemplary student, and all should follow his lead. Just wear 20 jackets, and be prepared to take them off at a moment’s notice. We don’t have a temperature problem!

Illustration: A student with a determined face, wandering through SFU, wearing like, several jackets

The Real Advising was in You All Along

In this motivational film, Yu Onlyu determines that he, in fact, does not need the help of SFU Advising to get through the term. No, it’s fine if he doesn’t know whether he will ever get into his graduation course requirements! Because . . . the answer was inside him all along. And that’s the best answer of all, students!

Illustration: A student, looking starry-eyed, as they turn away from a monitor with the MySchedule screen.

143 Means I Love You

Wow. These two will make you shed a tear. After waiting for the 143 and realizing for the ???-th time that it isn’t running, Bonnie Bus and Clyde Crash forge a bond that could only be broken by . . . something like, really, really strong. Watch these two fall in love under the clandestine lights of Burquitlam station. 

Illustration: Two students holding hands. Behind them, the 143 whizzes by.

Tuition Tommy’s Tell-all

Hey folks! Tuition Tommy here! Tommy (he says you can call him that because you are friends!) has many things to tell you about your tuition. TL;DW? It’s all going to a good place, and it’s all good for you! Look, Tommy said so. No, that’s not secretly McFogg —

Illustration: McFogg, but in a bowlcut wig, giving a thumbs up to the viewer with the title in Comic Sans.

Dear Member

Have you ever read an email and felt like throwing up rainbows? That’s exactly how we want you to feel after reading your inbox emails! Watch this exciting documentary tell-all about the passion we put into our communications. We’re transparent! Except when we’re not.

Illustration: A person staring lovingly at their computer, typing the words, “Dear member . . .”

Surviving my first live audience show

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By: Isabella Urbani, Sports Editor

You’ve probably watched a handful of ‘90s sitcoms — Seinfeld, Cheers, That ‘70s Show —  that had a live audience laugh track. So when your friend tells you they have two tickets to attend Netflix’s newest “social experiment,” you just have to say yes. What better way to ruin your day than forcing yourself to pitifully laugh at the secondhand embarrassment of the actors? 

On second thought . . . 

What were you even going to see? Your friend never mentioned the title, but it shouldn’t be that hard to look up, right? Wrong. 

There’s no information. Odd, but not odd enough to start ringing alarm bells. The project is probably still in its early phases, you tell yourself. Your friend should know more, right? 

Your friend doesn’t — in fact, they don’t know anything at all. They didn’t even purchase the tickets. Those just showed up in the mail. 

Oh, that’s reassuring. Your friend, who’s an acquaintance AT BEST, invites you to a show with tickets that just happened to show up at her front steps? It seems like the only way you’re going to get any answers is by going to the show itself, so that’s exactly what you do. 

You arrive before your friend, with plenty of time to pick your seat before the performance begins. Although set in a large auditorium, there’s no one else there. Looks like you’re going to do most of the heavy lifting here. 

On cue, the show begins — or at least tries to begin. The curtain is stuck, and while you can’t see anyone, you can hear the frantic grunts of the stage crew trying to get it to work. 

A door behind you slams open and a person, who you assume to be a cast member, runs down the aisle before stumbling up the stage. 

Is this part of the act? 

Moments later, a group of actors enter the stage from the wings with chairs in their hands. They sit staring straight ahead, unmoving. Um, did they miss something? What were they looking at? You turn around to come face-to-face with the director, glasses perched on his nose and a script in his hands, which he gives to you before summoning you to turn back around.

“Line,” whispers the director behind you. 

Line? What’s he talking about? You turn your head to look back at the director before a noise on stage catches your attention. 

The same actor from before rollerblades across the stage holding a white sign that reads, “Laugh.” It’s your friend. 

You look back towards the director who gives you a small nod, encouraging you to follow instructions. 

Staring at your friend, you manage to choke out a laugh, much to their relief. The actors on stage begin conversing with each other, looking just as confused as you feel. 

You’re unnerved for the rest of the show. You aren’t even listening to what the actors are saying anymore. All you can pay attention to is how the director’s voice gets louder each time he directs you to laugh, like you’re a part of his show. 

You don’t know how long you’re sitting there when the actors in front of you begin to burst out in laughter. And for the first time, you can’t help but let out a real, genuine laugh. 

But the actors don’t stop laughing. It isn’t until your friend at the side of the stage points to the script in your hand that you understand what’s going on. You’re not the audience. You’re the show, and they’re unknowingly finding humour in your pain. 

How could you have known this was how all live audience productions go? 

60% accurate Netflix trivia

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Peak Web
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ILLUSTRATION: Christina Cao / The Peak

By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer

  1. What was the first Netflix original series? 
  1. Black Mirror 
  2. House of Cards 
  3. Stranger Things 
  4. Money Heist 

2. Which Netflix original show was streamed for 1.65 billion hours in 2021?

  1. You (Season 3) 
  2. Ginny & Georgia (Season 1) 
  3. Squid Game 
  4. Lupin 

3. What popular movie was shot at the SFU Surrey campus?

  1. Fantastic Four (2005)
  2. Agent Cody Banks (2003) 
  3. Underworld Awakening (2012) 
  4. Spy Game (2001) 

4. Where did Netflix’s opening sound effect come from? 

  1. The sky after Taylor Swift’s private jet emitted 8,000 tonnes of CO2
  2. Elon Musk paying child support (in pennies) 
  3. A soundscape of construction at SFU 
  4. Blockbuster disappearing off the face of the earth 

5. Which SFU English professor’s book-to-screen adaptation was nominated for several Canadian Screen Awards?

  1. Nicky Didicher 
  2. JD Fleming
  3. David Chariandy 
  4. Joanne Leow 

6. What was Netflix originally called? 

  1. The Wattpad adaptation centre 
  2. Can’t stop, won’t stop cancelling shows after one season 
  3. Millennials are going to eat this shit up 
  4. The flix network 

7. Which Marvel television show was filmed in Vancouver?

  1. Hawkeye 
  2. The Flash 
  3. Moonknight 
  4. Jessica Jones

8. What rebooted show is coming to Netflix this summer?

  1. Toddlers & Tiaras: Next gen 
  2. AI Dance Moms 
  3. Total Drama: Chris and Chef’s love story 
  4. Supernanny takes on nepo babies 

9. Which Netflix original documentary won an Oscar this year?

  1. Minding the Gap 
  2. The Redeem Team 
  3. Miss Americana  
  4. The Elephant Whisperers 

10. How many people have Netflix subscriptions? 

  1. More than one 
  2. A googolplex
  3. 1.456 x 1011
  4. 3.14159265359

Answer Key 

      1. B 
      2. C
      3. A
      4. B VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.
      5. C 
      6. A WEAK STOMACHS BEWARE.
      7. C
      8. B  No, it’s for your own good.
      9. D
      10. A Meet the original user.

SPOOF: SFU Productions announces three upcoming films

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PHOTOS: Josh Ralla / The Peak

By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer

Engaged & Unstaged

SFU Productions is working with Netflix on a reality dating show involving a group of randomly-selected SFU students. Students are blindfolded and brought to a classified area nearby, where they will mingle amongst each other with the goal of finding a perfect match. The only way to remove your blindfold is to get engaged by the end of the day. Once a pair declares their unconditional love and someone gets down on one knee, they’re brought out of the classified area to go on designated dates. This includes s’mores roasting and a romantic trip to the avocado. 

Despite what people may say about modern love, romance is far from dead. SFU Productions wants you to know that at SFU, love is in the air. It’s also part of their initiative to keep up the school’s reputation as the “leading engaged university.”

The finale ends with a marriage at Convocation Hall by none other than Joy Johnson. Only time will tell which couples make it in the real world. I mean, the marriage is only valid on the mountain anyways. 

Adventures in the AQ: A Race Against Time 

The Amazing Race is back . . . at SFU! Teams of two risk it all to complete challenges in the Academic Quadrangle. Hosted by Stinks the Raccoon, teams are given clues at multiple stops to guide them through a variety of physical and mental challenges that lead them to their final destination at an unclassified location.

The mysterious AQ is an adventurer’s playground. Challenges include locating a room on the 5th floor and ordering a secret menu item from Renaissance Café. Students are competing for bursaries towards next semester’s tuition (or, if they choose, to opt out of a bursary and use the money to put towards a month’s rent). Rumour has it all participants must sign a contract that states they must be willing to read from a teleprompter and will not complain about producers smelling like dirty garbage. The producers also get exclusive rights to wash their paws in the AQ pond.

The Mystery of The Study 

The Study is gone (or is it?). In this docu-series, investigators uncover the mystery of the forgotten pub on SFU’s Burnaby campus. There have been conspiracy theories floating around that point to the pub still existing in a nondescript location hidden in the depths of campus. People say it was stolen by an unidentified group and turned into a member-only speakeasy. Hosted by SFU Burnaby fog, an expert on mystery, this investigative documentary will try to answer why people have been spotted with a racoon-shaped stamp on their wrist around campus. 

This just in: SFU Productions released a statement that The Mystery of The Study has been cancelled, due to conflict of interest.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society