A rough guide to BC’s alternative political parties
Written by Rachel Braeuer
Illustrations by Eleanor Qu
Got the elections blues, SFU? Feel like you’re just picking between the lesser of four equally dull evils? Worry not fair citizens! We found 12 alternative parties to float your vote if you’re not a fan of Dix, Cumming, MILF-y Clark, or relatively unknown Stark and compiled them all into a handy guide that isn’t nihilistic in the least. After all, nothing sends a message to big government to watch itself quite like voting for a party that doesn’t even have a website.
The Christian Heritage Party
The CHP BC’s main objective is to “restore and preserve our Great Canadian heritage, granted by our Creator, which is the foundation of our democratic system of government, in order to bring effective and accountable government to British Columbia.” Quick, change the history textbooks, we seem to have democracy because Sky Man gave it to us! Based on traditional Christian values, the party believes in the importance of traditional learning methods (aka private faith-based education), traditional families (aka a man and a woman and definitely no abortions), and wealth creation above wealth redistribution. They also want negotiations with First Nations groups to move forward, ideally getting rid of the Indian Act altogether, so that “our Aboriginals [can] take their rightful place alongside other British Columbians, fully equal to all other British Columbians in all respects,” which is a nice way of saying get rid of Aboriginal rights and land claims.
You should vote for them if: you believe it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, you don’t see a problem with calling Canada’s First Nations “our Aboriginals,” and / or the Conservatives just aren’t conservative enough for your liking.
BC First Party
Citing its roots in the fight against the HST, BC First is looking “to build methodically and carefully lasting change in government . . . to create a new system that builds a coalition of MLA’s, who are directly responsible to their constituents.” Ultimately they’re hoping to achieve a “Hybrid Swiss System” which basically means they want to move towards a direct democracy where any citizen can change any law or make amendments to constitution through referenda. Immediate changes they’re trying to make include regulating genetically modified food, eliminating hospital wait lists, and getting rid of bridge tolls. If you have questions about any of this, the party’s leader can be found “campaigning throughout his riding of Vancouver-False Creek . . . making history by connecting with voters from his 10-speed bike.”
Vote for them if: You still haven’t forgotten the HST, you really think this whole fixie trend is going nowhere fast, and / or you can never remember if produce codes starting with 8 or 9’s mean GMO.
Communist Party
“Isn’t that just the NDP?” Good one, idiot. The Communist party, unsurprisingly, is advocating for a socialist Canada by uniting the “most politically advanced and active members of the working class and of other sections of the people exploited by monopoly.” If you’re left-leaning, the party’s platform shouldn’t be too surprising or offensive, including buying more buses, stopping fracking, taxing the wealthy and corporations more, decreasing tuition fees, and ensuring all schools adopt protective policies for LGBTQ teachers and students. Sounds pretty good. Maybe a little too good. Like, maybe unsustainable outside of a theoretical context. I don’t know, let’s ask Cuba.
Vote for them if: red is your colour, you’re really into sharing, and / or you wear a Che Guevara shirt everyday.
Advocational International Democratic Party of British Columbia
Global News calls it “the richest political party you’ve never heard of.” The Advocational Party has raised over $4 million in assets since their creation in 2006. However, the party has only two candidates running in small districts this election, this is the first time anyone has ran in the past two elections — the minimum necessary for the party to avoid being deregistered as a political party. According to a document released by Johanna Zalcik, one of the two candidates running, the party “believes that the government might best serve the citizens of a nation by becoming a republic and dividing democratically elected representatives into two separate government bodies with distinct advocational roles: 1) an elected Lower House and, 2) a selected Upper House (a Senate).” So basically they’re passionate about governmental reform, which is why their activities have been limited to investing their assets in precious metals, not like, advocating for the public.
Vote for them if: the theme from Team America really speaks to you, all your savings can be measured in gold bars, and / or if you just really hated the royal wedding.
Work Less Party of BC
Born out of research in Europe that demonstrated a shortened work week produced a happier more socially conscious an involved populace, the Work Less Party has been advocating for a 32 hour work week to replace our current 40 hours and for worker’s rights in general since 2007. Other interests include carbon footprint reduction, and increases to minimum wage (necessary to offset a reduction in hours worked). The party had some trouble filing necessary documents by deadline and voluntarily deregulated federally, but maintains status in BC. According to a close friend, they also know how to throw a damn good party.
Vote for them if: Eight days a week is your least favourite Beatles song, you would actually use that extra day off a week to participate in culturally important events for BC, and / or you want to make Rebecca Black’s contribution to musical history no longer applicable in BC. Everybody be working for Thursday.
New Wave Party
Surf’s up, brah! No really, their slogan is “catch the wave . . . for change” overset on a photo of someone surfing. The New Wave Party believes that democratic representation is on the decline and that politicians should be held accountable for their platform claims and actions. While other parties talk about moving towards a true democracy and then have a bunch of their own pre-determined goals they hope to achieve once elected lined out, the New Wave Party wants to represent you and your vision of democracy. That’s it. That’s their only claim. There isn’t even a candidate named on their website.
Vote for them if: you’ve always wanted to be on The Dating Game — which leader is behind door number two? — you’re most concerned about candidate’s ability to hang ten, and / or Talking Heads for life! Burning Down the House!
Reform Party of BC
Unrelated to the former federal Reform Party of Canada, the Reform Party of BC is a neoconservative party who had two candidates elected to the legislative assembly in ‘96. They’ve been around for more than 25 years, working to “bring clarity, transparency and accountability . . . to the citizens of British Columbia.” Their platform includes income tax reform, “fake Olympic debt” reconciliation, recovering public equity in BC Investment Management Corporation, a public sector pension fund that benefits BC Hydro and BC rail (to name a few), and driving a provincial enactment of the 1960 Canadian Bill of Rights
Vote for them if: you think the Olympics was an inside job, you’re worried about pensions, and / or who needs modern rights and freedoms for minorities anyway?
B.C. Vision
“Join us and you will join a revolutionary change that is the need of the hour for British Columbia,” says the BC Vision party’s website, after what looks like angelfire graphics and photos of the party leader, Jag Bhandari. The party talks a lot about connecting three generations; making use of technology; keeping BC beautiful; having upto-date [sic] medical facilities; and running a bunch of local races like the Sun Run to keep fit. The party’s actual platform, as well as their political message, is available in the form of a song on their website (yup), the major tenet of which appears to be “Chak de Fattey” which is “a Punjabi motivational phrase that means ‘just do it’.”
Vote for them if: you’re really in to Bollywood music, you own a “no fatties” T-shirt, and / or Nike is your favourite sporting goods brand.
BC Refederation Party
As its name suggests, this party is looking for the eventual refederation of Canada, presumably because everything was OK in the world in 1867. Their philosophy stems from the work of Richard Moore, as outlined in his book, Escaping the Matrix: “If a movement makes demands, then it is admitting that power resides elsewhere. If a movement creates solutions, then it is asserting its own power.” Their plan for BC’s power assertion is summarized as their copyrighted “TheRefedPlan” or the 1,2,3 [sic] Plan, which focuses around a lawful tax revolt, veto power for British Columbians and the right for BC to refuse disallowance by Ottawa. So basically they want each province to be its own entity, and they’re starting with BC.
Vote for them if: you’ve ever wanted to throw tea into English Bay, you just really want to take that blue pill, and / or you think our license plates should say “representation without taxation.”
Helping Hand Party
This party’s mission is as cute as their name: “helping those in need” because “helping others unconditionally provides a meaningful existence.” Unfortunately their logo isn’t two kittens holding paws. Some of the goals they list on their Facebook page (which doubles as the party’s official website) include reducing post-secondary tuition by 50 per cent, reducing the cost of childcare in BC to $10 per day, decriminalizing marijuana, restricting senior’s use of slot machines, and merging Washington ferry service with BC ferries to save costs. It’s an interesting smattering of issues for a platform to include, but without any context it seems more like a list of things Canada needs your uncle you see twice a year might post to Facebook between Bejeweled Blitz benders.
You should vote for them if: you took the Girl Guide mantra “lend a hand” very seriously, you can’t live without checking Facebook every five minutes, and / or you’re sick of picking up Grandma from the casino because she blew her handydart money on craps.
BC Marijuana Party
Twist up a link, bro! The MJ party is perhaps BC’s best known alternative party, advocating to the legislation of marijuana. The Party’s leader, Marc Emery, is currently serving a five year sentence in a US federal prison for selling cannabis seeds. In the 2009 election, the party still ran two candidates so they could maintain party status, but in every riding, even those they were running in, the party endorsed the local Green Party representative. The party’s website just links to Marc’s wife Jodie and his website, Cannabis Culture, so it’s looking like the Marijuana party is just passing the Dutchie this round.
A vote for them might look like: voting for the other green party, smoking yourself so stupid you can’t leave your house for a week because you’re too paranoid, and / or ripping up your voter card and using little strips of it as “filters” in your joints.
BC Excalibur Party
Avast ye scoundreles of oure faire launde. Lookest thou fore a partye based on truthe, honore and justice? Well, look no further. The Excalibur party has your back. When they’re not too busy Vaguebooking (with their language set to pirate, obvs) the party promises to cut PST by two per cent over the next four years and remove it from the sale of used items, provide rail transit between Chilliwack, Mission, Abbotsford and Hope, ban salmon farming and fracking, as well as promoting alternative healthcare plans.
Vote for them if: you’re really into Renaissance fairs, you think the prices at Value Village are just too steep, and / or if wherever you go people ask “who smells like patchouli?”
