By: Izzy Cheung, Arts & Culture and Sports Editor
Snake
1965 (Us???), 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025
Snakes, 2025 is going to be your year. Want to know why? Since this year is the year of the snake, it’s time for Reputation (Taylor’s version) to be released! You’ll be spending your entire year listening to “. . . Ready For It?” on repeat, wondering when the next fake album drop will be. Congrats, maybe this year really isn’t all about you after all. Yay!
Horse
1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
Hello, that’s me! If you were born in 2002, like me, hooray! Next year will definitely be our year. After all, we’ve been a bit busy contemplating the political and economic state of the world over a bowl of soup. Neigh! Sorry, yay!
Goat
1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015
Hellooooooo, my goat babies. Just like LeBron James, you are my sunshine. To make sure you don’t forget, I will sing it to you loudly, offkey, and nonstop until your prime hits in two years. Yay!
Monkey
1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016
Your best year will be 2028. Sure, you’ll have to wait a good three years before then, but hopefully by then you’ll finally get into all the classes that you need to graduate. We love waiting, don’t we? Yay!
Rooster
1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017
Cock-a-doodle doo, roosters! Please, get out of the avocado. The journey is just as if not more important than the destination. Hear me out — take some time to preheat the oven and you’ll be ready to go when your prime year comes around in four years. Yay!
Dog
1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018
Five years until you hit your prime? That’s OK, year of the dog folks. You’re just a chill dog. Yeah, that’s right, this campus is big enough for more than one anthropomorphic dog. Cultivate that community and you’ll be thriving in 2030. Yay!
Pig
1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019
Who’s calling to tell you what your year will be? Come on, my year of the pig friends, you should know. Take your time to think about it. Let me give you a hint, he’s got a human body, a pig head, and 350k Instagram followers. Do you think you can gain that following before your year comes in 2031? Yay!
(b)Rat
1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020
Hi there, bRats! For you, brat summer hasn’t ended. You’ll be pulling hair out of your Mugler bag, doing bad things under the table at the Brit Awards, and repeating “bumpin’ that” until your year comes in 2032. Yay!
Ox
1973, 1985, 1997, 2009, 2021
In this zodiac, ox, we’re all fam. Just because your year isn’t until 2033, it doesn’t mean you can’t continue posting online like your life depends on it. The LinkedIn spies lurking on all of your social media pages can’t hurt you now. Yay!
Tiger
1974, 1986, 1998, 2010, 2022
Sorry tigers, but your prime isn’t hitting until 2034. Want to know why? It’s because you still have that ridiculous broccoli haircut from skibidi ohio ago. Yay!
Rabbit
1975, 1987, 1999, 2011, 2023
Rabbits, don’t worry about the fact that your year isn’t until 2035. You’re taking your time because you need to hold space for the lyrics of “Defying Gravity.” Yay!
Dragon
1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, 2024
Hey dragons, I’m coming at you with a pitch you’re sure to enjoy. You know those fun, ethnic tea drinks in which “you are never quite sure about its content?” Great news — we’ve created a new, more fun, lighter-shaded version of this drink that strips it of all of its cultural significance and slaps it into a can! Yay!
