In the year of our Lord, 2023, I came across a Hinge profile that specified the user’s opinion on pineapple on pizza . . . Hawaiian pizza has been around since 1962, the pineapple on pizza debate has existed on the internet since at least 2009, and the memes peaked in 2016. SO GET YOUR EXPIRED MEME OFF YOUR HINGE PROFILE. Enough is enough! Your meme is so old, it’s going to give you meme poisoning. Your meme is so old, it knows how VHS works. Your meme is so old, that if you squint a little, you can see it in the background of some nativity paintings.
You acting like your opinion about Hawaiian pizza is a personality trait makes me sick (it’s true, just this week, my doctor diagnosed me with a hater–itis flare-up). I’m looking for a HUSBAND (gender-neutral), and you’re wasting my time talking about pineapples? I’m swiping left.
The pineapple is a symbol of colonialism as it was often brought back by colonizers from the places they had gone to. It’s quite fitting, isn’t it? Considering you stole your sense of humour from mid-2010’s Buzzfeed? Do you work for the pineapple industry? Are you contractually obligated to talk about pineapples wherever you go? What you put on your pizza is between you and Uncle Fatih. Leave me out of it.
