By: Hana Hoffman, Peak Associate
Before jumping into a new semester, I advise you to stay on this page and quickly review these school survival tips. I was a university student just like you — I’ve been through the grind and felt the struggle, but I’ve also learned how to deal with these challenges. I’m honoured to share my advice to help you all maximize your academic and personal potential this term. I recommend using this as a checklist. 🙂
The Commencement
- It may not be April Fools’ Day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put on a show! Sneak into your classrooms when there’s no one there, drop a banana peel for people to slip on, put whoopie cushions on some chairs, adjust the analog clock to an incorrect time, and draw your favourite Sonic X characters on the whiteboard along with whatever message you want to tell your class. That’s how to properly start the first day of the semester. 😉
- Always put your homies first. Don’t bother connecting with people in your class if they’re just gonna do their homework all the time. Instead, invite your buddies to lectures and play Fortnite on your laptops.
- Choose your unique style for the semester’s assignments — your go-to font type, colour schemes, emojis, etc. Do you really think TAs enjoy reading the same boring 11-point Times New Roman typed papers over and over again? Personally, I like to use Comic Sans in red, highlight important sentences in green, and use my favourite colour, pink, for my name and title. Be sure to insert plenty of emojis and gifs to help your TA better visualize your writing.
The Mid-Term Crisis
- Play Pokémon Go wherever you go. All three of SFU’s campuses are gigantic. There are many hidden Pokémon to capture, which will make you feel accomplished and give you self-confidence you can transfer into your studies.
- Deadlines don’t really mean anything if you take advantage of every realistic excuse. Have you tried saying, “I slipped down the wet campus stairs and got a concussion,” or “I haven’t been able to log into SFU canvas because my phone was stolen, and I can’t get through the multi-factor authentication?” Besides, it ain’t like TAs will mark everybody’s assignment right at 12 a.m. on SFU Canvas.
- In addition, word minimums don’t mean anything, either. The world would go nowhere if humans only ever put quantity before quality. For instance, would you rather buy 30 rotten apples or 1 ripe apple? Only one of these answers will allow you to feed yourself to survive. It’s the same with writing papers. Handing in two thousand words of uselessness is worse than two hundred words of making a point.
- Don’t waste your precious time during lectures; find side tasks to get things done quicker. In one class, I could watch an anime episode, complete a few Duolingo lessons, do some online shopping, listen to new songs on Spotify, and text my friends to make lunch plans. What’s the point of trying to pay attention to the professor when you know you’ll be daydreaming the entire time?
- As university students, we’re always low on time. We need everything to be instant, so we must rely on AI to do all the work for us, cup noodles to make our meals in 3 minutes, and Instagram to satisfy our entertainment needs instantly.
The End Game / Grand Finale 🏁
- Keep calm and slay on!
- Pull the fire alarm before every exam you didn’t prepare for and turn the school into an absolute mess! Water will spray on all the test papers, leaving your professor and classmates soaked. Causing a postponement of an exam will make you a hero.
- Stuck on an exam question? Don’t worry! Just use your creativity to make something up. Draw a nice picture if you have the chance.
- Procrastinated on your final paper? Not a problem. Copying and pasting some random essay you found online will do just fine, but it’s more fun to write a story!
I’m sure your professor would love to read something entertaining and unique rather than a bunch of information they probably already know about. No word count requirements, no topic restrictions, just you, yourself, and your super duper awesome imagination.
And that’s it. You’ll be done with school before you know it!
