By: Clarence Ndabahwerize, Staff Writer
VANCOUVER — A student showed up to an icebreaker at the Goldcorp Centre for the Arts with an ice pick and giant ice cube. Onlookers described initially being in shock until they found out the student in question was a theatre major who’d just watched the first episode of The Rings of Power. Enthusiastically, the young gentleman proceeded with great fanfare to have his couriers place the ice cube in the centre of the room before invoking the rite of Sigin-tarâg! Calling himself Sir Lit A. Rally, he brought extra ice picks and many more ice cubes so everyone could partake.
At the end of the evening, several ambulances rushed many of the attendees to St. Paul’s and Vancouver General. The young gentleman was the only one left standing. Revellers admitted that Rally was initially disappointed to find that the icebreaker was just a pizza party, but he appeared to convince everyone to BREAK THAT ICE for real! The attendees rushing to the hospital were described to be in a state of “frozen shock.” What a waste of ice, right? An internal university investigation concluded that some sort of Jedi mind tricks were at play by Rally.
However, this wasn’t the end of the debacle. Rally, after hearing of a potluck, brought several “lucky pots” to the potluck! To make things worse, the pots were empty, just apparently full of “lucky vibes,” in his words.
“I-I made a joke . . . ” sniffled Harald, “and Lit stole all my thunder. Not lit, man. Not cool!” Harald informed us that he was an exchange student from Hell, which he clarified was in Norway. He held a small bowl of mashed pecans with a small sign that read, “deez nuts.” Apparently, Rally had unleashed a cashew nut costume onto the icebreaker-potluck, which he’d been saving for Halloween.
The night ended with the fire department on scene when Rally tried to give Harald a literal taste of home. Seeing a potential for trouble, SFU took steps to quickly transfer an exchange student named Guy Fawkes to UVic to avoid a more grievous incident from unfolding! You’ll never guess what his nickname is.
