Horoscopes: July 25–31

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A peaceful cartoon woman surrounded by Zodiac symbols. She wears a yellow dress and has orange hair. Her hands are raised to hold one of the glowing signs.
Checking if you are delaying your graduation by yet another semester. ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

By: Hannah Kazemi, Peak Associate

Aries

You go to enroll and all of your courses are full except for one, so you choose three alternate courses that are not at all anything that you’re interested in. You suffer all semester, and end up with an even shittier enrollment date for the next one. Sucks to suck. Have fun in MACM 101!

 

Taurus

Somehow you always manage to get every class you want without having to waitlist, which by SFU standards, is magic.

 

Gemini

The stars are unsympathetic to your need to graduate. You come up with three possible schedules two weeks before your enrollment date, all of which are made up of different courses, but still somehow have to pick two replacements because most of your alternates are already full.

 

Cancer

You’re used to being hurt. You just know that you’re going to pull the short straw by the time your enrollment date comes around, so you already start emailing profs and advisors to ask for permission to enrol in courses a week before you even can. They all say no.

 

Leo

Enrollment is a breeze for you, Leo. You’re one of the lucky ones. But don’t get too comfortable — your luck will probably run out by the time next semester’s enrollment comes around.

 

Virgo

Hahahahaha, oh, Virgo. Nothing matters anymore. Are schedules even real? Is there even any point in trying to plan your classes ahead of time?! There should be a class called “The Secret To Course Enrollment At SFU” where all they teach you is that there isn’t one and it’s all a trap.

 

Libra

No issues to report for you, Libra. Easy, breezy, beautiful, Covergirl.

 

Scorpio

Your friends ask you what classes you’ve enrolled in because your enrollment date was days ago. You tell them you haven’t looked yet, and that you’re sure PSYC 300W will have spots left. Do you even go here??

 

Sagittarius

You register in all of the courses you want, but that means you’re on Burnaby Mountain once a week, Vancouver once a week (on the same day you’re in Burnaby!), and Surrey twice a week as well. The courses may be interesting, but seriously, is the commute really worth it? And why does SFU schedule stuff this way??!!

 

Capricorn

You are the single most unlucky person when it comes to course enrollment. Like ever. The one (one!!!) class you need to take to graduate had one (one!!!) spot left ✨literally✨ten minutes before your enrolment appointment, but when you went to enrol somehow that spot had been taken and two people were already on the waitlist. Seriously, it’s a cruel joke.

 

Aquarius

Aquarius, you are yet another lucky one. You only have to waitlist for one course, but you’re second in line and the rest of your courses have you on campus twice a week. Life is sweet for you, babe.

 

Pisces

How is it that all of your upper level seminars are full and enrollment isn’t even halfway over?? You give up after three semesters of trying to take the same four courses and register in a completely distance education schedule. Fuck it.