Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor
It’s that time of year again. As the leaves prepare to brown and the SFSS prepares to host yet another overpriced fall event that completely fails to reflect SFU’s uptight, bland culture, Netflix is premiering dozens of fresh new series. But where Fall Kickoff will almost certainly fail, Netflix might succeed: among these new releases are a plethora of groundbreaking documentaries about the totally, obviously, definitively authentic experience of attending SFU.
Here’s The Peak’s compilation of bios for our top seven anticipated Netflix shows airing this September!
When a corpse turns up in the AQ reflection pond, four absurdly hot SFU students are left to solve the school’s darkest mystery yet: which sicko was left in charge of feeding the koi fish on Labour Day weekend?
Dropshadowhunters: The Mortal IAT Students
An ordinary IAT student learns that she’s descended from a long line of Adobe Creative Suite pirates, tasked with hunting down professors who care more about themselves and their design research than their students’ education.
American Horror Story: The One Canadian NCAA School
Haunting, eerie, and wicked, this anthology series documents the cursed lives of a football team that hasn’t won a game since the time of the Salem Witch Trials.
Six students who happen to sit together in tutorial come together and learn about life, love, and the irritating leather-jacketed man who can’t stop arguing with the TA.
How to Get Away with Murdering the Students Who Take Up Entire Cafeteria Booths
Five criminology students and their professor find themselves at the heart of a homicide case that went down right here in Mackenzie Cafe.
Grey Concrete is the New Black
She belongs at SFU, not UBC. It’s just too bad . . . that’s exactly what all the other newly enrolled students have to say for themselves, too.
A Series of Unfortunate Midterm Grades
Three young scholarship students try desperately to avoid losing their tuition money to the greedy and obsessive Professor Olaf and his plots to have them expelled through poorly written multiple choice exams.
13 Reasons Why The SUB Still Isn’t Finished
Shane the Dank Memes Virgin
Brooklyn Ninety-Five B-Line
The Chilling Adventures of Maggie Benston