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Procrastination Methods Report

Humour

Avoid procrastinating procrastination with this procrastination report

Peak Web
Peak Web
2 min.
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1013
Photo curtsey of Public domain pictures

By: Mishaa Khan, Peak Associate

Number 1: Cleaning fiasco   

Materials Needed: Messy room, nachos, cleaning supplies, Netflix account, and clumsy hands

Time Wasted: 2-5 hours

Scenario: Complain about how your messy room doesn’t allow you to be productive, and about how this is why you must clean your room. Now make things more exciting! Start watching a new show on Netflix. Make sure you stop cleaning multiple times when the scene gets interesting. Once you’re hooked on the show, grab some nachos to stress-eat and make sure you get chip grease on your headboard, salsa stains on your sheets, and crumbs everywhere in your room. Now, your room is dirty again. Repeat.

Number 2: YouTube Rabbit Hole

Materials Needed: Computer with functioning internet

Time Wasted: 2-3 hours

Scenario: Watch YouTube videos on how to stop procrastinating so you can get rid of those nasty procrastination habits. After watching 10 videos on the topic, watch a video on how to cook quesadillas to destress. Go down the YouTube rabbit hole and spend hours watching conspiracy theories about how the government is secretly forcing its citizens to go to school only to surgically remove their brains and implant them in robots. After watching these videos, you can feel vindicated in your brave decision to no longer study so your brain remains inside your head.

 

Number 3: The Next Jackson Pollock  

Materials Needed: Be creative!

Time Wasted: 1+ day

Scenario: Art is a wonderful way to destress. You can spend days crafting your masterpiece in the hope that it will make you famous one day since school is not going to get you anywhere. For example, you can paint a five-foot-tall painting, knit the world’s largest blanket, or write a poem about everything wrong with SFU.  

Number 4: Friends who quit school together, stay together

Materials: A friend on the verge of quitting school, passport, and instant noodles

Time Wasted: Eternity

Scenario: You and your friend decide that a poli-sci major is not worth pursuing because you both could learn a lot more about world politics by traveling. You decide to go on a grand adventure exploring touristy places such as the Eiffel Tower in France or the pyramids of Egypt while living on instant noodles. Despite failing your courses, you couldn’t care less because your social media is on fleek and you know how to say five words in French and two in Arabic, which is more than what you would have learned in school.  

 

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024