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Long Distance Communication – Parent Translate

Humour

How to talk to your parents about school

Peak Web
Peak Web
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Written by: Nathaniel Tok, Peak Associate

Ever wanted get your parents off your back about what you  “should be doing”?
Introducing… Parent Translate!

It’s Google Translate except it translates your lame excuses to credible, intelligent-sounding rationalizations so that your parents will think your university experience follows what they show in the university catalogues, when in reality you’ve been watching Vine compilations till 3am every night. Parent Translate works in real time so you will never be without some brilliant logical discernment to satisfy your parents.

Check out our sample conversions below.

Parents: What are your plans after graduation?
Truth: LOL, do you really believe I have a future?
Translate: Recent economic and societal factors at both the international and local level has shown that difficulties are arising for recent graduates of post-secondary institutes in making full use of their skills as rapid changes in industry manifest themselves. The capabilities of graduates cannot keep up with the demands of the evolving workforce.

Parents: If you can’t get a job, then what about grad school?
Truth: And study even more? Maybe after a vacation that you will pay for.
Translate: This raises a fascinating debate point. On the one hand, certain aspects of my field of study are intriguing and it would be an excellent opportunity to pursue them further, but on the other hand, the many years of labour in a world-class education system from K to 12 to undergraduate leaves one with a desire to undertake a journey to experience other cultures and places with the financial backing of a patron before immersing oneself in academia again.    

Parents: I’ll consider paying if you do well this year. How prepared are you for your upcoming exams?
Truth:  I’m planning to print out the reading list sometime this month.
Translate: I am making all preparations to commence an intense period of studious scholarship in the near future.

Parent: What is your major again?
Truth: In GPA Boosters.
Translate: I am pursuing a broad education in the liberal arts with subject matter ranging from quantitative material in nature such as the use of data analysis in calculating the possibility of ending this conversation (STATS 121), topics on sleep (BPK 134), and the examination of procrastination in academia from a philosopher’s perspective (PHIL 113).

 

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society