Written by: Youeal Abera
One of the great things about Halloween is that we all can think of spooky stories to share with each other. Some of us may even be lucky enough to harbour a particularly scary experience, one that we can share to really frighten our loved ones each Halloween.
If you’re in to Halloween tales that start scary but end up being hella funny, then you’re in the right place.
Growing up, my siblings and I would trick-or-treat like it was a part of our religion. Do you know how fun it was to draw maps and mark down the houses in our neighbourhood that were infamous for giving out the biggest candy bars?! Some years, we’d even be so extra that we’d wear two different sets of costumes so that we could go around and collect candy twice. If trick-or-treating was the NBA, we’d have more championship rings than fingers.
Deadass, trick-or-treating was always the most fun experience! Although, every year, the most mysterious occurrence would take place. Granted, these incidents weren’t as frightening as a Tobe Hooper movie or a US election. However (from the perspective of an 8 year old child), this story was definitely a nightmare.
See, I was once haunted by Argusto, the candy-stealing monster from Cedar Hills.
Every Halloween, before I’d go to bed, my parents would tell me a scary story of how a monster, one who resided in our neighbourhood, would go around to each house and steal candy from children. His name was Argusto. My parents told me that no child knew if Argusto would visit them. You can only imagine the fear that Argusto’s arbitrary candy-stealing would instill.
Year after year, I’d grow terrified from this story. Nevertheless, I would be most terrified when I woke up the next morning to find not a single lollipop or Reese’s peanut butter cup left behind. As the years passed, my fear eventually turned into frustration. I thought, “How the hell would this bunk-ass monster think he could steal all my candy when I’M the one putting in the hard work of trick-or treating? He’s not even a scary monster, he’s just straight-up lazy!”
One Halloween, I did what I should have done years earlier: I stayed up all night with a rolling-pin and shaving cream. I was ready to fight this monster. In spite of my best efforts, I fell asleep before midnight. I woke up the next morning and my candy was, once again, gone.
Two days after that Halloween was my 11th birthday party. Having a birthday on November 2nd means that the week of Halloween is truly the best week of the year. On this particular birthday, however, I was fairly upset. I kept asking myself, “How did I not catch him? How much longer will this crap happen?”
Before leaving for my birthday party, I asked my parents where my favourite hat was, and they told me it was in their closet. When I went into their room to find my hat, I solved the greatest mystery of my boyhood.
This was the day I left my childhood behind. I became a man.
Strewn out in my parents’ closet was a number of goodie bags for the guests of my birthday party. Every goodie-bag was completely filled with an eclectic array of candy. At the corner of my parents’ closet was my favourite, trusty, trick-or treat bag. It was completely empty.
I was shook. Do you know how mad I was?! There was no monster! My PARENTS were Argusto.
You better believe that, in order to make up for experiencing the worst betrayal known to man (disregarding Kevin Durant joining the Warriors), I ended up with a fairly extravagant Christmas gift that year.