Canada’s Newest Parties

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Written by: Trevor Roberts

The next Canadian federal election is scheduled to occur no later than October 13 of next year, and if 2015 taught us anything, it’s that the campaign could easily start any day now. Whether you are a first-time voter, have grown disillusioned over time, or just prefer to pay attention to the much more interesting American political theatre, you may be unaware of several new political parties that have been founded over the past several years. These are a few looking to make a strong push for 2019.


The Sexy Party

Founded after the success of Justin Trudeau against “your weird uncle” Stephen Harper and “your other weird uncle” Thomas Mulcair in 2015, the Sexy Party are firmly committed to giving Canadians what they want: ridiculously attractive politicians. The SP, as it is known on social media, are committed to rebranding Canada’s international image and investing heavily in the country’s already thriving export of entertainers, celebrities, and hot Ryans. The party is looking to field a slate of candidates with the largest Instagram following in electoral history, but only time will tell how that converts into votes on election day.


The Block Ontario

Tired of all the attention that Quebec gets for having its own separatist party, the BO wishes to reestablish Ontario as Canada’s indisputably best and most important province. The party advocates for Ontarian pride and sovereignty, with the plan being that they will declare independence and then annex the remaining provinces of Canada into a single province of Greater Ontario (in which the current province will be known as Greatest Ontario). The party has also expressed interest in funding studies to provide evidence that Ontarians are smarter, stronger, and more attractive than those living in other provinces.


Anti-Marijuana Party

It is yet to be seen how legal recreational marijuana will affect Canadian society; despite this, one party has already made up its mind. The party’s primary mission is to launch a referendum into marijuana recriminalization. Although there is currently no precedent for a legally binding referendum to have a minimum voting age of 55, as the party is calling for, it’s a strategy they are putting a lot of faith into. For those of you on the opposite side of the spectrum, you may find the newly founded Cocaine Party a bit more appealing.