By: Brenda Luies
With the grey clouds casting a grey shadow over our grey school, it’s a shock that anyone even gets out of bed anymore. One student has realized — probably much like the rest of us — that while his physical body makes his way to the oh-so-cheerful SFU campus, his soul has wandered off somewhere on the astral plane and is nowhere to be found. In response to this dilemma, he has decided to reach out to the good Samaritans of SFU for help.
The student has requested help through a lost poster, and is asking for help from anyone able and willing to. The poster has the word “LOST” written across it in capital letters and the ink is blotted from what seems to be tears. The student is seeking help to find himself, as he has apparently “lost himself in the shitshow that is life.”
The area allocated for a photo on the poster is just a large question mark with a quote below that reads, “I can’t recognize the person looking back at me when I stare into the mirror.”
The poster states that he was last seen somewhere between “Adamantly telling the barista at Starbucks that I have nothing to lose as she asks me if I’m sure that I want a venti cup full of espresso shots” and “crying in one of the bathrooms in the fifth floor of the AQ only to hear someone taking a wet shit in the stall next to me between sobs.”
The offered reward for helping this lost soul out is stated as “my life could serve to be a cautionary tale, or a funny story you tell your friends, but I have nothing to offer as a reward because my wallet is as empty as this shell I call a body.” The poster was not signed, but many sources have reported that the guy that’s been sitting in front of the pond yelling at the fish while throwing the ‘lost’ posters into the air is the supposed lost soul who posted the flyers.