[dropcap]I[/dropcap]think I’ve been watching too much gay porn.

It’s no shock that the media we consume, be it visual or auditory, affects our opinions of people and situations in the world. We know that music can induce certain emotional responses, or that we can become desensitized to disturbing content the more that we watch it. Some suggest that advertising works on a subconscious level. Point being, the media we are exposed to can affect our perceptions on life.

I saw this guy the other day. He was a gorgeous South Asian man. Cocoa dark skin and curly black hair — and oh, the way I wanted him to look at me. Let’s just say the entirety of the song “Finally” by CeCe Peniston went through my head, and I had one of those ‘our lives together’ moments: loft apartment downtown overlooking English Bay, maybe a small dog or a cat, dinner parties, game nights with friends, travelling the world, and growing old together. This all came to a shattering end when he embraced a girl in a more-than-friends way. Still, it was nice while it lasted.

A short time later, a white guy who was equally gorgeous walked by. This time, instead of imagining scenes of domestic bliss, my fantasies with him were lust-filled and X-rated. Both guys were equally sexy — and let’s be clear, if the first guy were to approach and embrace me, I would have no problems with any triple-X-rated acts. But lust simply wasn’t my initial thought with the first man like it was with the second.

Even if you remove the “twink,” “jock,” or “boy next door” labels, there is a proliferation of whiteness in porn.

This scenario caught me off guard, and I began to do a little introspection. I realized that for the last little while I had been looking at white men differently than men of colour. I was completely sexually objectifying the white guys I found attractive, while the physical draw to the non-white guys had been only a part of my thoughts.

I’m not one of those guys who ‘has a type’ based on skin colour. I’ve dated and slept with guys from many different backgrounds, yet here I was realizing that skin colour was playing a direct role in my initial opinion of guys. Why? What was affecting my perception? The only thing I could think of was the porn I watch: it’s generally all white.

I find there is a saturation of white guys in gay porn. Even if you remove the “twink,” “jock,” or “boy next door” labels that we give different builds and genres, there is a proliferation of whiteness. A friend of mine laughed when I brought this up and suggested, “Maybe you’re just watching the wrong porn?” That could be; there is a lot out there, even without the amateur or home videos that flood the net. Though, even if I try to find a more varied cast — and I did look — when I do see a guy of colour, the “thug,” “Asian,” or “interracial” tag typically takes precedence.

So, I’ve decided to stop watching porn for a while to see what happens. I’m guessing porn isn’t a bad thing to walk away from anyway, and I am past the point of being in a small town with no outlet except the Internet. Also, the porn we watch is not the sex we have, no matter how gorgeous you are. If all goes well in a few months, without the programming, I’ll be in the fantasy loft with all the guys — even the white ones.