Once upon a time, a show called Once Upon a Time aired the finale to its fifth season on May 15, and there was mild celebration. Evil was defeated (mostly); the curse was broken (temporarily); the heroes learned to accept their shortcomings (again); and, even though the cast has doubled, it’s been another year since they’ve even mentioned your favourite character.
First airing in 2011, Once Upon a Time is a show which, for reasons confusing and irrelevant, brings all the fairy tale characters you knew and loved into the most mundane and magic-less land in existence: Maine.
It’s a weird show with something for everybody: it has magic, flashbacks, and the killing of a dragon with a taser (wait. . . what?).
Heck, where else can you see an episode with the Wolf (of Little Red Riding Hood) helping Dorothy (of The Wizard of Oz) to bring a potion ingredient back to Mulan (of Mulan) so she can help save Captain Hook (of Peter Pan) from Hades (of Hercules)? (Don’t believe me? Check out the episode description here.
So, if you already watch the show, or if you want to experience the Land of Uneven Storytelling, here is a drinking game to make the show easier to handle.
Fire up Netflix, pick an episode at random — or, if you’re feeling adventurous, start from the beginning — and drink until you forget everything that happened this season (just like the characters).
Drink when:
- A character loses their memory.
- A witch or fairy wears an outfit that draws attention to their cleavage.
- The Evil Queen makes a fireball.
- +1 if she doesn’t throw it.
- The Evil Queen cries or feels guilty.
- A heart is pulled out of someone’s chest.
- +1 if it is not done by the Evil Queen.
- Rumpelstiltskin offers to make a deal.
- Rumpelstiltskin says “dearie.”
- Rumpelstiltskin giggles.
- Someone says “magic comes with a price.”
- +1 if it is said by Rumpelstiltskin.
- A character turns from evil to good.
- +1 if it is Rumpelstiltskin.
- A character turns from good to evil.
- +1 if it is Rumpelstiltskin.
- A portal is opened.
- A new incurable/unblockable/unstoppable weapon is introduced.
- +1 if it is cured/blocked/stopped a few episodes later.
- +1 if it is cured/stopped by Rumpelstiltskin.
- +1 if it is cured/blocked/stopped a few episodes later.
- A new magical object is introduced.
- If they don’t know what it does, but their first guess is exactly correct, Finish Your Drink.
- An old magical object is reintroduced, but with new powers not previously mentioned.
- A named character is killed.
- A character is brought back to life.
- +1 if the explanation takes less than a minute.
- A new character is introduced.
- +1 if they are a Disney character.
- +1 if they are wearing their Disney costume.
- +1 if they are white.
- +1 if they are a Disney character.
- A character from one fairy tale is revealed to be another character in a different fairy tale.
- Someone is cryptic when they should be direct.
- A hero tells a villain too much information.
- A character makes a huge leap in logic.
- +1 if another character makes the same leap in the very next scene.
- A magical character wants to use magic but can’t.
- The characters consult the Once Upon a Time storybook.
- They say the name of the town.
- They make a Disney reference.
- They make a Lost reference.
Finish your drink when:
- A curse is cast.
- A character is added to the Snow White/Prince Charming family tree.
- “New York City” is obviously Downtown Vancouver.
- You want to yell at a character.
Hard Mode:
- Drink every time you see:
- Magic smoke.
- A villain wearing a suit.
- Chug during:
- A motivational speech.
