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If categories for greeting card stands were accurate

Humour
EIC
EIC
Less than 1 min.
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1249
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons

Instead of “Baby”
“Congratulations on not using a condom”
“I’m going to miss hanging out with you”
“Is the baby mine?”

Instead of “Condolences”
“Sorry (I’m not sure for what exactly, but I’m sorry)”
“Why bother?”

Instead of “Anniversary”
“Please accept this card as my annual re-application to continue being your significant other”
“Look at me, I remembered something”

Instead of “General”
“I spent more time looking at my nose hairs this morning than I did selecting this card for you”
“Please don’t exclude me from your will”
“Hope this makes its way to you okay. I’m not sure if this is even your address anymore”

Instead of “Congratulations”
“Obligatory praise”
“Good enough”

Instead of “Wedding”
“I didn’t put any money inside this card”
“Words to go with the kitchen appliance I purchased for you and your new spouse”

Instead of “Birthday”
“Congratulations on still being alive”
“I know you well enough to feel obligated to buy you something, but not enough to buy you something of significance. So I got you a card”

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SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

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Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024