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If categories for greeting card stands were accurate

Humour
EIC
EIC
Less than 1 min.
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1291
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons

Instead of “Baby”
“Congratulations on not using a condom”
“I’m going to miss hanging out with you”
“Is the baby mine?”

Instead of “Condolences”
“Sorry (I’m not sure for what exactly, but I’m sorry)”
“Why bother?”

Instead of “Anniversary”
“Please accept this card as my annual re-application to continue being your significant other”
“Look at me, I remembered something”

Instead of “General”
“I spent more time looking at my nose hairs this morning than I did selecting this card for you”
“Please don’t exclude me from your will”
“Hope this makes its way to you okay. I’m not sure if this is even your address anymore”

Instead of “Congratulations”
“Obligatory praise”
“Good enough”

Instead of “Wedding”
“I didn’t put any money inside this card”
“Words to go with the kitchen appliance I purchased for you and your new spouse”

Instead of “Birthday”
“Congratulations on still being alive”
“I know you well enough to feel obligated to buy you something, but not enough to buy you something of significance. So I got you a card”

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SFU professor highlights the danger BC faces from natural disasters

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By: Niveja Assalaarachchi, News Writer 2025 was one of the most destructive years on record for natural disasters. Though much of the damage to infrastructure and human lives was seen in the Global South, much of the economic cost was seen in Global North countries like Canada. The Peak interviewed Tim Takaro, a professor emeritus at SFU’s faculty of health sciences, to learn more about how the growing destruction of natural disasters specifically applies locally.  In 2025, BC faced disasters like the flooding of the Fraser Valley and forest fires. Takaro explained that these disasters as a whole had afflicted large segments of the population, especially marginalized communities. For one, he pointed to those with chronic illnesses, as chronic conditions can increase the chances of sickness...

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By: Niveja Assalaarachchi, News Writer 2025 was one of the most destructive years on record for natural disasters. Though much of the damage to infrastructure and human lives was seen in the Global South, much of the economic cost was seen in Global North countries like Canada. The Peak interviewed Tim Takaro, a professor emeritus at SFU’s faculty of health sciences, to learn more about how the growing destruction of natural disasters specifically applies locally.  In 2025, BC faced disasters like the flooding of the Fraser Valley and forest fires. Takaro explained that these disasters as a whole had afflicted large segments of the population, especially marginalized communities. For one, he pointed to those with chronic illnesses, as chronic conditions can increase the chances of sickness...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024