Go back

If categories for greeting card stands were accurate

Humour
EIC
EIC
Less than 1 min.
0
1407
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons
Image courtesy of Wikipedia Commons

Instead of “Baby”
“Congratulations on not using a condom”
“I’m going to miss hanging out with you”
“Is the baby mine?”

Instead of “Condolences”
“Sorry (I’m not sure for what exactly, but I’m sorry)”
“Why bother?”

Instead of “Anniversary”
“Please accept this card as my annual re-application to continue being your significant other”
“Look at me, I remembered something”

Instead of “General”
“I spent more time looking at my nose hairs this morning than I did selecting this card for you”
“Please don’t exclude me from your will”
“Hope this makes its way to you okay. I’m not sure if this is even your address anymore”

Instead of “Congratulations”
“Obligatory praise”
“Good enough”

Instead of “Wedding”
“I didn’t put any money inside this card”
“Words to go with the kitchen appliance I purchased for you and your new spouse”

Instead of “Birthday”
“Congratulations on still being alive”
“I know you well enough to feel obligated to buy you something, but not enough to buy you something of significance. So I got you a card”

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Block title

Long Story Short: Paving a non-linear academic path

Features Peak Web -
By: Marie Jen Galilo, Staff Writer Before starting university, my peers and I started planning our careers. Everyone around me had such big dreams — my friends wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. Having always cared about my grades and academic success, my teachers, friends, and family would comment on how I would likely establish a respectable career that reflected my intellect. I felt compelled to choose a career path which reflected my efforts and fit their expectations. Another factor for me was family — as the daughter of immigrant parents who left their homes, careers, and loved ones behind, I felt pressured to establish a career that honoured their sacrifices in their hopes of giving me a better future.  I loved subjects in the...

Read Next

Block title

Long Story Short: Paving a non-linear academic path

Features Peak Web -
By: Marie Jen Galilo, Staff Writer Before starting university, my peers and I started planning our careers. Everyone around me had such big dreams — my friends wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. Having always cared about my grades and academic success, my teachers, friends, and family would comment on how I would likely establish a respectable career that reflected my intellect. I felt compelled to choose a career path which reflected my efforts and fit their expectations. Another factor for me was family — as the daughter of immigrant parents who left their homes, careers, and loved ones behind, I felt pressured to establish a career that honoured their sacrifices in their hopes of giving me a better future.  I loved subjects in the...

Block title

Long Story Short: Paving a non-linear academic path

Features Peak Web -
By: Marie Jen Galilo, Staff Writer Before starting university, my peers and I started planning our careers. Everyone around me had such big dreams — my friends wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. Having always cared about my grades and academic success, my teachers, friends, and family would comment on how I would likely establish a respectable career that reflected my intellect. I felt compelled to choose a career path which reflected my efforts and fit their expectations. Another factor for me was family — as the daughter of immigrant parents who left their homes, careers, and loved ones behind, I felt pressured to establish a career that honoured their sacrifices in their hopes of giving me a better future.  I loved subjects in the...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society