Modern pranks to scare with this Halloween

Fake blood is scary, but finding a job in a recovering market is even scarier.

There’s no doubt about it: October is the scariest time of year around SFU. With the fog rolling in and Halloween drawing near, the time to affright the people you love is optimal. Ghosts and ghouls might do the trick, but drawing on some utilitarian fears works even better. Here are a couple of soon-to-be classic pranks you can try out yourself!

Prank #1: Have a person spend four to five years of their life in post-secondary and then release them into the job market. There’s nothing more petrifying than not being able to find a job in your field of study. For bonus marks, make sure they’ve accumulated a lot of debt in the process. Spoooooooky.

Prank #2: Be a woman walking alone down the street, preferably at night. Nothing says terror like having to always be aware of your surroundings in case someone tries something. Try adding revealing clothes and the consumption of drugs or alcohol to the mix. Remember to have people blame you more for inviting the attack on yourself. Terrifying!

Prank #3: Dismiss someone based entirely on their age. If they’re younger than you, say they just don’t know any better. If the person is older than you, tell them they’re out-of-touch with the world and imply they might be senile. Blind ageism in an otherwise progressive time can be downright bone-chilling.

Prank #4: Remind someone, preferably one of your single friends, that no one loves him or her. Dying alone and forgotten feels fan-flipping-tastic. You can emotionally cripple and terrify anyone with the strike of a single sentence.

Prank #5: Make any coffee or tea drinker believe that their drink of choice has been outlawed, then watch the life drain from their eyes. The coffee and tea addicted generations of today need something in their lives to help them function. With the temperatures dropping and rainy days becoming more frequent, the need for comforting warm drinks will increase their petrified reaction. For those master pranksters out there, wait until finals start and caffeine is at its highest value.

These are just some of the things you can use to instill fear into the heart of any millennial. Your victims will not just be momentarily horrified, you’ll get to the heart of any person. Their current anxieties and fears will run rampant for much longer than just Halloween. So, go forth and frighten!