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Where Are They Now? – January 7, 2013

Humour
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EIC
1 min.
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Ever wonder what happened to those celebrities who were all the rage in 2012, now you can barely muster the memory of their name let alone their face? Well, get ready for a blast from the very recent past and find out where they are — now!

By Gary Lim

Lonesome George
The last member of the now extinct Pinta Island tortoise, Lonesome George spent the last three decades under the study of conservationists in an attempt to repopulate the species. George died in June at just over the age of 100. Although his species can live to ages of 170, it seems he took his own life rather than endure the slow (ever slower, because you know, he’s a tortoise), agonizing hell of 70 more years of tortoise blue balls.

Curiosity
After being launched in 2011, the Curiosity rover landed on Mars in August of 2012 and has since been collecting important data on the red planet. The current status of the Martian landscape: rocks. In December, Curiosity had its two-year mission extended indefinitely by NASA, an extension that the robotic rover appears to resent,given how many of landscape photographs taken since prominently feature it flipping off the camera.

Kim Jong-Un
Taking office in January, the adorably pudgy fearless leader of the Democratic People ’s Republic of Korea has been in the captain’s chair for an entire year now. Although according to the Pyongyang Daily Times, the infallible leader has eliminated hunger, sickness and the South Korean menace, he is not without his faults, only obtaining a 110% approval rating dwarfed by his father, Jong-il’s 170%. People who mention this are executed immediately.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society