SFU
Overly friendly professor destroys students’ lives for forgetting to call him by first name
November 6, 2019Written by Nathaniel Tok, Peak Associate Assistant professor Michael McManfred, a recent hire for the Department of Legal, Ethical, and General Investigative Technology (LEGIT), has been censured by the university for destroying the well-being of his first year LEGIT 105 students. Reportedly, the LEGIT professor’s tyranny started after several of his students accidentally called him “Professor McManfred,” instead of “Mike,” as he had so benevolently urged them to do at the start of the year. According to Parker Anders, one of McManfred’s TAs, the problem started last Monday — the day of the midterm. As volleys of students sent desperate…
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Man pauses to breathe, gives audience fleeting false hope that he’s done talking
October 31, 2019Written by Kelly Chia, Staff Writer It’s Thursday afternoon, and we have a breaking headline coming in from the conference room in the West Mall Centre. The speaker, a young man, pauses to take a single breath . . .…
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Trapped on campus: Your guide to surviving Halloween night at SFU
October 31, 2019Written by Zoe Vedova, Peak Associate It’s Thursday evening — October 31. While all your friends are smearing on eyeshadow from garish palettes they’ve saved since middle school and ripping open miniature Kit Kats with their teeth as they pre-game…
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Deadweight
October 30, 2019Written by Rodolfo Boskovich, SFU Student “OK, I guess we may as well start,” I say to a roomful of students. “So! I’m gonna talk about the different aspects of—” The door bursts open. A decaying corpse stumbles in, Starbucks…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 29–November 4
October 29, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your stars spell terrible destinies for you this week. And you’re just going to have to put up with that. You think you have an unfair relationship with astronomy?…
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An open letter from an absentee
October 24, 2019Written by Aaron Barry, SFU Student Dear Classmates, You’ve seen me. I’m in your ENGL 206 class, your HIST 102W, your CMPT 307. I’m the one that used to sit in the back and make bad origami boats. Yeah —…
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CONFESSIONALS: The housing crisis in Vancouver is ruining my sex life
October 23, 2019Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor It’s a little after midnight. I’ve lost count of how many drinks I’ve had at this club, and I keep making too-intimate eye contact with semi-coherent, sweaty guys on the dance floor who can’t…
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Six rush-order costumes for Halloween at SFU
October 21, 2019Written by Madeleine Chan, SFU Student No Halloween costume yet? Fear not. If you’ve fallen victim to the perils of procrastination, here are six simple costume ideas for the everyday SFU student. Tuition-sucking vampire Grab a vampire outfit, and then…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 21–October 28
October 21, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Enough with all the blushing over cuties on the SkyTrain. Blood is for dramatically staining the love letter you’re writing when you’re unexpectedly murdered in your own study, not…
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Common man-cold season starts, plagues student body with incessant whining
October 21, 2019Written by Marco Ovies, Staff Writer It’s that time of year again: the common man-cold has taken over SFU. According to a MySpace survey, frigivenena masculinum currently afflicts as many as three students. Symptoms include a mildly runny nose, excessive…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]