HUMOUR
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: February 24–March 1
February 25, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week, you may find answers to your introspective queries in pop songs from the 2000s, so long ago. Katy Perry’s Hot N Cold was never about one of Katy Perry’s relationships; it was always about your own relationship with fresh-out-the-toaster S’Mores Pop Tarts. Taurus — April 20–May 20 Don’t get yourself down because people have accused you of being old and boring these days. Your personality is not “boring,” it’s “utilitarian design.” It’s not your fault that people need to graduate UBC with an art history degree to…
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DEAR PEAKIE: Food, friends, and falling into time distortion
February 25, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Dear Peakie, How can I get a better enrolment date? From, MG * Dear MG, Hmm . . . this is a toughie. Try slipping on those unforgiving concrete stairs on campus and hitting…
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I tried celibacy for a week
February 21, 2020Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor I’ll admit, I do enjoy leaning into the sex stuff a bit. Is it because I was sexually repressed and closeted as an adolescent and thus have gone/still go overboard with compensating for lost…
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The top five hook-up spots at SFU Burnaby
February 21, 2020Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Hello, Peak readers. It’s your favourite sinner here with the content that none of you asked for. A couple of months ago, I wrote an article about how I can’t have sex at home…
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Literal Hellfire And 6 Other Groundbreaking New Ways To Cook An Egg (NOT Clickbait)
February 17, 2020Written by Hannah Davis, Peak Associate I was sitting alone in my bedroom when I got a call from an unknown number. “What are you thinking about?” asked Gordon Ramsay. “Eggs, Gordon!” I exclaimed into the phone. “I’m absolutely tormented…
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CONFESSIONALS: I LOVE group projects
February 17, 2020Written by Meera Eragoda, Staff Writer I’m scrolling through the syllabi of various course offerings and I’m looking for one thing in particular. Finally, I find it in a gender studies course. Those magical words: group project. It’s kismet and…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: February 17–23
February 17, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Read a book this week. You never know when you’ll earn a bonus 1% in class for being able to recite the first 500 words of the Necronomicon. Taurus…
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CONFESSIONALS: I’m a resume template harlot
February 11, 2020Written by Dominic Wildebee, SFU Student I’ve had my back blown out by three different resume templates in the past week. I know you’re sitting, judging me, prudes of SFU. But my career-bent promiscuity is the norm for those of…
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Valentines to give your favourite plagiarizers
February 10, 2020Written by Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief [caption id="attachment_113230" align="alignnone" width="300"] Siloam Yeung[/caption] "Are you on exchange from Tennessee? Because you’re definitely not getting a 10/10 from me" [caption id="attachment_113227" align="alignnone" width="300"] Siloam Yeung[/caption] "On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: February 10–16
February 10, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week, tell your suitor that it’s French kisses or nothing — and you really do mean French kisses. If your date’s lips can’t whisper Jean de la Fontaine’s…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]