DEAR PEAKIE: Food, friends, and falling into time distortion

A SFU advice column by sad students, for sad students

Chris Ho

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor

Dear Peakie, 

How can I get a better enrolment date?

From, MG

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Dear MG,

Hmm . . . this is a toughie. Try slipping on those unforgiving concrete stairs on campus and hitting your head! No, the goal isn’t to wake up in an alternate timeline with better course availability, like some made-for-TV rom-com. No, you want to awaken to a good case of cerebellar ataxia, just serious enough to distort your sense of time! Your enrollment date can’t be bad if your newfound dyschronometria has released you from the fetters of monochronic scheduling and culture. 

Love, Peakie

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Dear Peakie,

How can I make friends at SFU?

From, Looking for the Friendzone

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Dear Looking for the Friendzone,

Making friends is all about opening up your boundaries and putting yourself out there. I think you should consider clubs! There’s no better way to befriend someone and show off your personality than by whacking them over the head with a nice strong oak club. 

Love, Peakie

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Dear Peakie,

How can I eat at SFU on a budget?

From, Garlic 

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Dear Garlic,

Always be on the lookout for free edibles. Did you know? Every paper handout your professors give you is plant-based and contains 0.00106 calories. Eco-friendly and good for a lean build. Delightful. 

Love, Peakie

 

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