Horoscope
Horoscopes July 30 – August 4
August 8, 2024By: Cam Darting, Peak Associate Aries March 21–April 19 I can smell the confidence oozing out of you as you read this. Aries my friend, you better work. It’s almost August and I know you have been doing jack shit this summer. Put the sluttiest thing you have on and PARTYYY. Whether it's going to the beach wearing almost nothing, or dancing on a yacht, you need to get yourself out there. Show the world that beautiful face God gave you. #bratsummer Taurus April 20–May 20 It’s time you took the reins of your life back. How are you letting…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 14–20
March 16, 2022By: Sara Brinkac, Humour Editor, Interstellar combatant Aries You should go kick a tree this week. There have been whispers in the wind lately and they have been awful. I don’t even want to repeat what they’ve been saying about you,…
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Top Ten ways to get an extension
March 8, 2022By: Sara Brinkac, Humour Editor My dog ate my homework A timeless classic for an excuse that works every time. Some may say that in the digital age, your dog eating your homework is impossible. I say with enough eye…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 7-13
March 8, 2022By: Tamanna T., Staff Writer, Interspace advisor Aries The stars are asking that you take a chill-pill this week. I know you’re deep into midterm season but grades will come and go. Do some sight-seeing, find where they’re filming your favourite…
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Horoscopes: February 28–March 4
February 27, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, SFU Student, Cosmic Counselor in Training Aries You’ve yet to venture out of your comfort zone and find the hidden gems of the Burnaby campus. Be sure to try the tables under Images Theatre for your next…
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Horoscopes: February 21–25
February 23, 2022By: Charlene Aviles, Staff Writer and rom-com fan ARIES: You’re constantly running late on dates. Although asking your Tinder match to order while waiting is a good idea, being one hour late is not. This will most likely result in you…
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Horoscopes February 14–18
February 16, 2022By: Sara Brinkac, Sexpert ARIES: Unfortunately we don’t have a lot of sexual energy to use for your prediction since you’re a total virgin. But we can assure you that you will have sex . . . at some point…
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Horoscopes: February 7–11
February 7, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, SFU Student, Future-Seer Aries Change is in your future! Consider ordering a bowl instead of a burrito the next time you’re at Chicotle (formerly Chipotle). Or, follow Chicotle’s suit and switch a consonant in your name out with…
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Horoscopes: January 31–February 6
January 31, 2022By: Marco Ovies, Features Editor and cosmological animal whisperer ARIES: How does it feel to always be first on every single horoscope? Everyone looks at your horoscope and you don’t have to waste any time searching for your sign. Just like…
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SFUnexplained: SHOCKING STINKY TRUTHS in the sixth floor AQ
January 30, 2022By: Kelly Chia, Staff Writer My name is Dr. Gregory “Sniffers” Martin (57 at the time of writing) and I’m here with SHOCKING news about SFU that will change your perception of reality forever. Do you think you’re safe to…
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