By Brad McLeod BURNABY— In what will certainly be described as alarming (No. —Ed) news, Simon Fraser University made history this week with the installation of a bold new technological development, the world’s first totally silent fire alarms. The new alarms will look and function just as the old ones did, with the only difference being that they will now be completely imperceptible to the human ear. The initiative has reportedly come as a direct result of student pressure, with many students describing the occasional ringing of alarms in the AQ as “kind of annoying.” Some students have even admitted…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod SEATTLE— A Seattle woman has been arrested today for disregarding national and state law when she refused to give up her priority front-row bus seat to a man in a wheelchair. Jane Cartwright, a 40-year-old activist from…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod According to a recent study conducted by the University of Arizona, a common household medicine has been conclusively linked to the majority of prescription medication addictions in America. Tylenol, well known for its ability to temporarily…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod Cat fancier VANCOUVER — A local woman in her mid-forties who has been in-between jobs and out of a relationship for over 15 months has reportedly been kidnapped by a group of domesticated house cats. According to…
Continue readingThree-legged pitbull adorably mauls mail carrier Gnarles Bark-ley, a precocious three-legged pit bull, was taken away by the SPCA last Thursday after violently mauling postal worker Kenneth Cole. The Canada Post worker was making his rounds when the rambunctious and…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod In light of the recent federal government decision to discontinue Canada’s one cent coin, Build SFU, the SFSS proposal for building a new student union building, has a new plan to use pennies to the school’s advantage.…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod A 42-year-old man in Vernon, British Columbia has stumped the scientific community by growing a full beard made of bees. Tom Johnson, a school teacher, claims his bee beard only started to grow three months ago when…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod After extensive research, experts in the field of communications are confident that by this time next year podcasts, not the radio, will be the number one form of media that no one pays attention to. The research…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod Yesterday was a historic day in the world of chess as 25-year-old Ryan Whiteman, became the first player in a professional tournament to start a game with a black piece. Whiteman’s match in the first round of…
Continue readingBy Brad McLeod Tagline: Morbidly obese man beats weight through prayer, lack of religion. A local man recently lost an unprecedented amount of weight in a remarkably short amount of time, but he is attributing it to an unexpected source.…
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