By Jacob Samuel at The Daily Snooze
Stuff We Hate: January 30th 2012
Handshakes
By Gary Lim
I absolutely despise handshakes. I mean it’s 2012 people, why do we still insist on greeting one another by awkwardly flailing our upper appendages at one another?
Apparently it’s a gentlemanly show of respect, but let me ask you something, how gentlemanly is it for people who’ve never even met to begin contact by groping one another’s hands? I mean you don’t even know where their hands have been. The other person could’ve just finished god knows what and now they standing there, hand reaching out ready to wrap their fingers around your hand like some kind of fleshy straightjacket.
Not to mention the crushing number of social dictates you have to keep in mind. How many pumps? How hard do I clench? Is it supposed to be this sweaty? No seriously, is it supposed to be this sweaty? God it’s like prom night all over again.
Printers
By Janice Turnblad
No, no you asshole. Just print, that’s what you do right? You’re a print-er, as in a machine that prints things. You’ve been making the “I’m printing something” noise for 10 minutes now, but I have as of yet come out of you.
Also if you flash that “PC LOAD TRAY EMPTY” one more time . . . Empty? Empty?! I’ve practically loaded the entire pacific rainforest in there; and don’t even think about “TONER LOW.” I’ve changed cartridge six times this month. How do you even use that much toner? I print 10, maybe 15 pages of notes a week.
So help me god printer, I will find a way to travel back in time and I will murder Johannes Gutenberg, father of the modern printing press. I don’t even care about the effects on the future. Do you hear me printer? I will FUCK. YOU. UP.
Oh, so now you’re printing. That’s right, you know who’s boss. Double-sided!? You son of a bitch.
‘Extinct’ monkey rediscovered by scientists
By Alison Roach
SFU PhD student Brent Loken ‘accidentally’ finds rare monkey while searching for the Bornean clouded leopard
A monkey thought for years to be extinct has been spotted in the forests of Borneo. SFU PhD student Brent Loken was part of a team working in Borneo that caught sight of this monkey, named ‘Miller’s Grizzled Langur’, in time-lapse photos. This was an unexpected outcome of a larger biodiversity study that had been organized by the local Wehea Dayak community in an effort to build up a legal case to protect their forests.
The monkey was captured on film by camera traps at a salt lick in the Wehea forest of East Kalimantan in Borneo last June. The primate was thought to have been extinct since 2004. “It’s extremely rare, and it’s incredibly cryptic; that just makes it a monkey that’s very hard to find,” said Loken. The camera traps in an area that was outside of its known geographic range also captured it. “We just demonstrated how little we know about this monkey,” said Loken.
In fact, so little is known about this species that there were no existing pictures to compare it to, and the finding had to be confirmed through other means. The main description eventually came from a museum, using only drawings. A specialist of the species also had to be contacted to confirm that it was in fact this particular species of monkey. At least one, and possibly two families were seen, with the smallest group at two individuals and the largest at 11. The fact that the Miller’s Grizzled Langur still exist and in family groups, amazed researchers.
In the past 20 years, Borneo has lost an estimated 50 per cent of its forests, due to logging, palm oil harvesting, and coal mining. According to Loken, there has also been a problem with hunting. “A lot of the animals are hunted quite extensively. This is happening to a lot of primates and other animals in this area.” The local Dayak people have been attempting to protect the area in recent years, with strict hunting laws enforced by local rangers.
This new effort to protect the forest, however, was based on biology. Loken’s team, headed by primatologist Stanislav Hota, was attempting to learn more about the forest and its inhabitants to increase awareness and the legal boundaries for the protection of the forest. Loken’s original goal was to capture images of the Bornean clouded leopard, in which he was also successful.
Loken first became involved with conservation in Borneo when he saw the palm oil plantations. “Seeing [them] against these beautiful rainforests just compelled my wife and I to action,” he said. The team he was a part of uses a mixture of conservation, science, and education in an attempt to protect these forests. Borneo has one of the highest levels of animal diversity in the world, and also one of the highest levels of animal extinction. The Miller’s Grizzled Langur is not the only species thought to be extinct.
According to Loken, the fact that there are creatures in existence that we’re not even aware of should shows us that we need to be even more careful about our impact. One of the biggest things Loken recommends we can do as Canadians is to start reading labels and learning about palm oil, since many of us aren’t even aware that it’s contributing to this destruction.
“What happens to the forests in Borneo affects us here in the northern countries. . . As we lose the tropical forest, the Arctic is warming up. We can’t not care about these areas; I believe we have a moral obligation.”
TransLink to offer new daily U-Pass program
Photo by Ben Derochie
By Colin Sharp
Humorist Emeritus
Tag:“We’re getting really good at wasting money by changing the system,” says TransLink
In response to continued complaints that the U-Pass program is still not vulnerable enough to fraud, TransLink has worked with Lower Mainland universities to develop a new daily system for transit riders. Under the new system students will not even be required to carry a pass with them as they will be confirming their student status on a daily basisIn a press release issued on Thursday morning, TransLink stated that in order to verify the student status of riders boarding the bus, SkyTrain, or SeaBus, they will simply be asking them to promise that they are definitely students. Their claim is that this new method will enable more people then ever to take advantage of a system created purely for students.
Despite the insistence of TransLink, many taxpayers, both inside and outside of the university community, are concerned that some people won’t be able to flaunt their disrespect of the new U-Pass system openly enough.
“What about people who ride the SkyTrain?”, questioned SFU graduate Kevin Mills, who hasn’t taken a course at the university since 2008. “There’s no drivers, so I won’t get the pleasure of tricking someone into letting me use transit for free.”
TransLink is aware of this concern, and in talks with the Vancouver Police Department to deploy more transit police than ever. These officers will be making riders promise they are students just as bus drivers do, although to make up for their less frequent appearances they may ask riders to cross their heart, hope to die, and stick a needle in their eye.
Last year saw the first in a series of overhauls of the system, as TransLink did away with the old method of a semesterly U-Pass with a photograph of the student’s face. Many deemed that the inclusion of the photograph made the U-Pass “too secure” as it ensured that you could only use the pass if you looked vaguely like the person that it was initially issued to.
The photograph was removed last year when TransLink switched to a monthly pass. Many were concerned about the effort involved in having to fake a new pass each month, but these concerns were quickly mitigated when it was discovered that the pass would be the exact same colour every month.
“I need a three-zone pass, so I was concerned I might end up having to actually buy one,” said Michael Cho, a 26-year-old who has never even attended a university. “But by the time October 20th hit and I had used my girlfriend’s old September pass nearly every day, my faith was restored in TransLink.”
Changes to the U-Pass system are the first in a series of steps TransLink is taking in order to make transit easier and cheaper to use. At a press conference on Friday they announced that starting in May 2012 buses throughout the Lower Mainland will begin accepting I.O.U.’s as a substitute for actual bus fare.
SFU wrestling earns five medals in Oregon
It’s no secret that SFU’s wrestling team builds success. It starts with head coach Mike Jones, who was recently inducted into the B.C. Sports Hall of Fame. And then, to name but two, come Daniel Igali and Carol Hyunh — a pair of SFU grads, and Olympic gold medalists. And now in the meantime, a new pair of SFU students has gold medals to their name.
Not Olympic medals mind you, but gold medals for Clete Hanson and Skylor Davis at the Clackamas Open in Oregon are steps in that very direction.
Hanson won four bouts to earn his medal. Those fights included a semi-final victory over Oregon State’s John Tuck, and he followed it up by besting the NAIA’s top-ranked wrestler Derek Rottenburg, out of Southern Oregon. For all his efforts in the 184-pound division of the tournament, he was named the competition’s outstanding wrestler — a rather nice addition to his gold medal.
Back down the weight class line, Davis won three matches to earn his gold in the 125-pound category. All three decisions were by pinfall, including the final, where Davis had Pacific University’s Ian Hocker pinned before the first period had ended.
As nice as the two golds were for SFU, the Clan also walked away with two silver medals and a bronze. Alex Stemer, competing in the 149-pound division, fell 10–5 in the final to Oregon State’s Nick Schlagger to earn his silver. However, it was Gurjot Kooner’s silver medal that provided the most intrigue.
After Kooner had topped Oregon State’s Jordan Schwartzlander — who had beaten him when the two squared off in November — to earn his way into the 285-pound division final.
Now, it’s not every day you find an inter-school final between two athletes who aren’t on the same team, but that’s exactly what this final was. Kooner fell to Sunny Dhinsa, another SFU student who was wrestling unaffiliated with the Clan.
Rounding out SFU’s medal haul was Burnaby native Max Arcand, who took home the bronze in the 165-pound category. Oregon State’s Seth Thomas beat Arcand in the semis, putting Arcand in a bronze-medal match against teammate Brock Lamb, guaranteeing one more medal for the Clan.
With his bronze, the Clan finished with five total medals, an impressive feat for any team of any sport — Olympic or otherwise.
