Humour
Hallmark presents: Love on the Mountaintop
December 20, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and an executive producer with Hallmark MAGGIE BENSTON CENTRE - REGISTRAR SERVICES DESK SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY HOLLY is conversing with REGISTRAR OFFICE LADY. The room is grey with no Christmas decorations in sight. HOLLY (to REGISTRAR OFFICE LADY) Yes, that’s Holly. H-O-L-L-Y. I know, you probably haven’t met many people around here with my name — I’m kinda named after Christmas! I said goodbye to…
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The Clausgate Scandal: How Big Beverage tried to cancel Christmas
December 20, 2025By: Zainab Salam, Reporter in Hiding By the time the headline “Santa Claus Hates Everyone” ricocheted across the internet and news outlets, the world had already begun cancelling Christmas. Children sobbed into their half-eaten gingerbread men. Christmas influencers rebranded as…
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Grandma got run over (more like splashed so badly that she fell flat on her face) by a reindeer!
December 20, 2025By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer A 92-year-old grandmother was swept off her feet earlier this morning by what bystanders initially identified as a rogue reindeer the size of a school bus skidding down Hastings Street. The oversized reindeer was first…
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Comic: It’s coming on Christmas . . .
December 20, 2025Photography/creative geniusesness: Jack Baron (Contributor), Katie Walkley (Peak Associate), Mason Mattu (Humour Editor)
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The dialectic nature of brunch as a form of resistance in a post-constructivist, Maoist, anti-rhizomatic context, as prescribed by bottomless Buddy Burgers
December 19, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Critical Brunch Scholar Acknowledgements: Thank you to A&W Canada for sponsoring this delicious research paper. You can buy a Buddy Burger for only a penny with the coupon code: TheA&WGuySentMe. To brunch is to rebel. To eat…
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The Peak makes record-breaking sales after adding 43 variants of their editions, including the ultra-fan-favourite: Rare glitter edition
December 19, 2025By: Veronica Richards, SFU Student Why read the news when you could collect it? The Peak is coming off the press with 43 new variants of next week’s edition, and you could get your hands on an exclusive version. Don’t…
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I give a guy a chance . . . and look what happened
December 19, 2025By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Diva I just got back from a date, and . . . wow. There might be a lot of fish in the sea, but damn, the sea is POLLUTED. This guy was a nightmare! He picked…
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How long will Carney’s government last? We asked a tea leaf reader
December 19, 2025By: Ashi, Multiverse 538.10.1.4’s top-grossing divinator How long will this government survive? Read on to find out! Remember to follow my TikTok for exclusive digital palm reading. Hiiii, lovelies! Welcome back to my Federal Future Forecast Series, where I ask…
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Hey kid, how do I get to the Lorne Davies Complex?
December 18, 2025By: Sasha Rubick, SFU Student It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday, cloudy, and campus is deserted. The commuter students fled home yesterday, and the Burnaby campus residents are hunkered down in their concrete boxes. I’m headed home to my dorm,…
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Horoscopes are back
December 18, 2025By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate Aries (March 21–April 19) Go lay in grandma’s lap, tough guy. You deserve it. If you don’t have a grandma, any scruffy-looking dog will do. It’s gotta be scruffy, though. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Stars…
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