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EXCLUSIVE: McFogg the Dog comes out as gay

Humour
Peak Web
Peak Web
2 min.
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683
ILLUSTRATION: Yan Ting Leung / The Peak

By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate

With a studded collar and a lipstick stain on the cheek that he claimed to be from Gerard Way, McFogg the Dog sat in the doorway of a Lorne Davies Complex athletic storage closet for this exclusive interview. He’s called the closet home for the past seven years after mysteriously leaving the position of our school’s mascot. During this time, he was ferociously dodging Craigslist bidders who wanted to get his fabulous bod back into the mainstream for a revolutionary comeback tour. 

Meanwhile, the retired legend stayed away, trying to find a sense of self outside the limelight. Now, he’s here to tell us where he’s been and set the record gay — I mean, straight — on the countless speculations about whether he graces the 2SLGBTQIA+ community with his transcendent presence. After every SFU student has had a chance to label him, it’s time for this dog to label himself.

Katie: Good evening, Mr. McFogg the Dog. Thank you for inviting me to your closet. So, please tell me about your look — is this new, or is it true that you felt forced to hide while under the ruthless scrutiny of the public eye?

McFogg: I knew the world wasn’t ready for a sexually ambiguous Scottish mascot. Stacking my emo identity on top of that would have created a controversy I could never return from. So, I had to cater to the norms for the time and go along with the presumptions that I was nothing more than a big bear in a kilt.

Katie: Wow. Speaking of identity, where do you stand on previous News Writer Chloë Arneson labelling you as a “queer icon” back in 2022? Does that label suit you?

McFogg: While I disagree with publishing my story in the humour section, my iconicness is undeniable. 

Katie: Now, I hate to get so personal, but the people have to know — are you dating anyone?

McFogg: You know, it’s hard these days to find anthropomorphic creatures looking for a serious relationship. Mothman keeps leaving me on read.

Katie: Those beady red eyes must not be able to see what they’re missing.

McFogg: Exactly. I tried to find at least a hookup at a few furry conventions, but then I found out that there are people underneath the costumes.

Katie: Wait . . . is there not a person inside of you right now?

McFogg: How could you ask me that? Not everything is sexual, Katie! But yes, sometimes I do indeed have someone inside of me, wink, wink . . . You know what? This interview is OVER! I’m about to sashay away. Ugh!

He then kicked over his chair, did one iconic fur flip, and stormed out of the closet.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024