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goSFU releases statement; tearfully claims it’s trying its best

Humour

:Cut me some slack,” goSFU begs

Humour
Humour
1 min.
0
1991
Screenshot courtesy of goSFU

By: Alea Mohamed, Staff Writer 

This week-old semester has possibly been the longest of my life. People have been bullying me about the way I look, and yes, sometimes I can be a little slow, but why can’t anyone cut me some slack? Everyone expects me to be able to do everything all of the time! 

This week was a little hard for me. I would personally say it’s classic beginning-of-semester burnout, but apparently everybody needs me to work properly to check which grades you can beg your professors to bump up from last semester or to see how much you still owe in tuition this semester (probably a lot). Nothing at SFU is beneficial to you — the administration, mySchedule, Health & Counselling — so why do you expect me to be helpful?

Anyway, so what happened was this: I was overwhelmed by the number of people checking me out. The last time I received this much attention was when everyone was trying to take a P grade last spring!

People — or websites — are allowed to have hard days. Also, it’s not like I was super easy to access in the first place. People have to put in my URL over and over again, sometimes have to use different browsers, and they always have to clear cookies. I’m not sure why someone wouldn’t want some cookies, so I feel like I’m doing you guys a favour. You already know I’m having a hard time because of my looks — by the way, if someone could tell me where I can find software-safe sunscreen, that would be greatly appreciated. It’s Hot System Summer!

It took me a while to get back up because I was in a bit of a difficult place emotionally, but the lesson here, in my opinion, should be that everyone needs to back off! I’ve never been super helpful anyway, so I’m not sure why you’re all expecting that now.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society