The student oath

Illustrated by Alisha Lee

Written by: Nathaniel Tok

The night after the last convocation ceremony finished and graduates had taken their thousandth photo of the AQ pond, as the mystical glow of moonlight fell over the Convocation Mall, another ceremony was taking place. It was less glamourous, and it was done for a smaller and less illustrious, but no less important, audience.

After finishing their first month at SFU, cloaked in the blood-red of the institution’s colours, the new students are finally ready to partake in the all-important Student Oath where they will pledge themselves to work, research, and hardship in order to reach . . . enlightenment? They pledged as well to begin anew the student scholar lifecycle. Undergraduates will be led by perennial sixth- and seventh-year undergraduates, while graduate students will be led by their Principal Investigators (PIs). The Peak managed to cover this solemn event and record the words of this sacred oath.

The Undergraduate oath

I, [name, institution, and student number] pledge that from this day hence, as a student, I will be diligent in telling the masses how much I need to study rather than actually studying. I shall never forgo a class except to spend time studying for that same class. Therefore, I will ask for aid should I require it, but only via email at 3 a.m. just before exams. To no less than 10 clubs will I give fealty and my SFU email in my first semester, but I will remain faithful to only one by my second. All the money I have earned or won with blood, sweat, and tears to pay for my education shall I give freely to the many caffeine merchants who sell me their wares. All this swear I, on the mercy of the gods of the curve and upon thy Holy Avocado.    

The Graduate oath

I, [name, institution, and student number], hereby declare that, having entered the service of [name of your PI], I promise to provide them as much data as they desire by dedicating all my ability and endowments to my research and forsaking all others until happy hour at Club Ilia. No seminar within my discipline will I forgo, as long as coffee and snacks are granted there with my attendance. Likewise, I will submit my work to any research conference, so long as it takes place in some equatorial promised land. Remembering where I came from, never will I turn away undergraduates who seek my wisdom, but I shall bear no blame if they leave as befuddled as when they came. Upon my beloved Burnaby Mountain, do I call to witness, to give me the strength to fulfill this oath.