Have you ever wondered what the story was behind the little quotes and sayings that populate our day-to-day conversations? No? Too bad, I’ve already started writing the article and you can’t stop this kind of momentum. Read on to learn more about the most commonly used misquotes and malphrases. Also note that while the Humour section is generally reserved for fake news and other funny exaggerations, these origins are 100 per cent factual. Quips aside, you may actually learn something from this piece.

“Blood is thicker than water”: this one’s a poor rehash of the quote, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The original meaning is the exact opposite to how it is commonly used today. Evidently the blood of most people who use this phrase nowadays is too thick, since it can’t even reach their heads (that’s also how you have a stroke).

“Head over heels”: the phrase is actually an inverse of the original 14th-century saying, “heels over head,” which described doing a cartwheel or somersault. The first known usage of the phrase as we know it now was in 1771 in Contemplative Man by Herbert Lawrence. Thanks, Herb [eye roll].

“Jack of all trades, master of none”: it’s only half of the saying. Part two goes, “but better than a master of one.” Here’s looking at you, filthy casuals.

“Ignorance is bliss”: if you want to remain blissful of how this quote actually goes, then avert your eyes — the full quote is actually, “When ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.”

“My country, right or wrong”: quite the edit in actuality, the original quote (written by Carl Shurz in 1872) is, “My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right.” However, the latter is tougher to use to justify going to war, so naturally it tends to go underutilized.

“Money is the root of all evil”: money might be the root of some evil, such as Ed Hardy shirts and plastic scrotum decals for the back of your truck, but it’s not the root of them all; the actual quote is “The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil,” i.e. Ed Hardy et al.

“The ends justify the means”: a very liberal rephrasing of the Niccolo Machiavelli quote, “One must consider the final result.” Ironically the final result seemed to have been the last thing on the translator’s mind when they botched the quote.

“S’ils n’ont plus de pain, qu’ils mangent de la brioche” or traditionally translated as “If they have no bread, let them eat cake”: the infamous “quote” from Queen Marie Antoinette was never actually said by Antoinette herself. It was written by Jean-Jacques Rousseau in Confessions, and was later attributed to Antoinette through anti-royalty propaganda. I think we can all agree that cake is infinitely tastier, though.

“Curiosity killed the cat”: another half quote, the second part goes “but satisfaction brought it back.” Admittedly the whole zombie trope is a bit overdone in the year 2015, so maybe we should just leave it at the feline being dead.

“I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”: many believe Voltaire to have said this in his essay on tolerance, but a more accurate translation would be, “Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too.” When it comes to misinterpreting Voltaire quotes, though, I revoke that privilege. Shoddy translators don’t deserve basic human rights.