Sext me hard.
By Max Hill
S is for Safety.
Sexting sure has gotten a bad rap lately. A host of scandals over revenge porn, stolen photographs, and underage sex have resulted in a widespread uproar over the dangers of sexting. These issues bring up good points, and people are right to worry. But just like sex, sexting can be awesome — provided you take the proper precautions.
Make sure to only sext with someone that you trust. Talk with your partner(s) before sexting, and consider setting some ground rules on what you’re comfortable with and what’s off limits. And don’t forget to make absolutely sure that neither partner is allowed to send photos to anyone else.
E is for Eroticism.
We’re in the information age, which means there are more ways than ever to keep a sexual relationship fresh and fun. And what could be better than getting a saucy sext in the middle of a boring business meeting, or a gruelling hike, or an uncomfortable bus ride?
Especially for couples on busy schedules or trying to make long-distance work, sexting can be a great way to keep a spark alive. Plus, few things will boost your self-esteem more than finding the perfect angle for that naked selfie.
X is for eXpression.
Sexting forces partners to be creative. It’s the modern love letter, and the best sexters are master storytellers, weaving complex erotic fantasies with only a few words and a phone camera.
Whether you’re engaging in role playing or just imagining what it would be like to hold your partner in your arms, sexting isn’t just a workout for your thumbs — it’s a workout for your brain, the biggest and most important sex organ of all.
T is for Timeliness.
What will sexual relationships in the future look like? Will we use robotic sex toys and watch porn in virtual reality? Will we plug into the cloud for online orgies and 3D print our blow up dolls? The future is tough to predict, and sex in 25 years will probably look even stranger than any of those examples.
But congratulations, fellow sexters — we’re at the forefront of the new sexual revolution, using all the technology at our disposal to get freaky and keep our partners satisfied. Don’t let the Luddites get you down: you’re getting busy in ways your grandparents could only dream of.
Sext me not.
By Joel MacKenzie
Sexting? Seriously? Sexting?
No, I can’t picture that.
No, I have no idea what that feels like.
Wow, that was a weird description.
I’m turning off my phone.
There is a reason why sexting is popular among tweens and teens, and less so among adults: it’s a lot less exciting to describe sexy events when you could be doing a real thing. Sexting is boring, it’s not sexy, and it pales in comparison to literally anything two consenting people could be doing in real life.
You want to write some sexy stuff to a consensual lover? Cool! Write them a letter. Pour your creativity into lovingly-written verse, and let your sexiness flow from the twirls of the pen, or whatever.
You and that person want to tell each other sexy stuff? Nice. Call them. Let them hear the sexiness, the desire, the passion ooze out of your molasses voice, your honeydew lips, and all that. Use the other vast-majority of expressions that come from speaking the words, which go beyond sending them typed.
So you’re both okay with kissing each other’s faces? That’s fly. Do it to it. But don’t just kiss; get excited to kiss. Look at their lips like you did before the first time they met yours. Like the first time you felt welcomed desire overwhelming you; you leaned in closer, you held them and could feel their hot breath on your neck. Your lips planted gently on their cheek. You saw their lips beautiful and golden, and you were confident to share your own. You offered your lips and yourself by coming in closer, and waited tensly for them to fill in the space. Remember? You can make any kiss as sexy as your first sexy kiss.
You and your consensual lover are ready to get physical? That’s dope. Have a private hot tub date (private — not a public pool, with the chlorine and the strangers). Have a bedroom date (also private, preferably). In the pool, let the bubbles soothe you, buy something lavander, get all relaxed and that. In the bed, clean the sheets, make them soft, touch each other and stuff.
If sexting is your only resort, whatever, do it; it’s your boring funeral. If you and your lover under covers want to have some real-life sexy fun, though, try doing literally anything else.
Just be safe if you’re gonna touch junk or whatever.
