Local man fills out March Madness bracket perfectly

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VANCOUVER — A local man has reportedly filled out a 2014 March Madness basketball bracket perfectly, without a single error in his spelling or capitalization, and he didn’t even accidentally leave any blank spaces.

According to reports, Theo Baxley, a 26-year old high school teacher, has achieved a great feat in the “perfect” presentation of his terrible, definitely incorrect picks.

“I can’t believe he really did it, I thought it was impossible for sure,” raved Baxley’s friend Tim Gleeman. “He’s normally got such messy handwriting, I didn’t think there was any chance it would turn out perfect.”

He completed his bracket without a single spelling error and didn’t even accidentally leave any blank spaces.

Baxley’s perfectly filled-out bracket has impressed more than just his friends and has made headlines around the country.

“When I heard about it, I couldn’t believe it but he really did nail it,” commented respected sports analyst, Donald Barry. “That’s not easy to do, he had Gonzaga and Valparaiso going to the finals so he had to spell both of those perfectly four times each . . . I don’t think Valparaiso is even in the tournament but still those aren’t easy to write!”

According to those who have seen the fabled bracket, there were a lot of challenging elements but Baxley somehow manage to nail them all.

“He had the Winston-Salem State going to the Final Four and I know I would have forgotten the dash at least once but again he nailed it,” Barry continued. “Of course I would never have taken Winston-Salem at all but that’s beside the point.”

While most might be impressed with Baxley’s “perfect bracket,” there are others who are less impressed.

“He has Alabama-Huntsville beating Duke in the first round and he managed to keep it nicely in the allotted space, that’s just called getting lucky,” critic Mike Frank explained. “I mean, it doesn’t take any skill to fill out your bracket perfectly, it’s all just luck!”

While Baxley says that he is pleased and flattered with all the attention he’s received, he says what he’s really excited about is the $1 billion he claims he’s going to receive from Warren Buffett.

“He hasn’t contacted me yet but I’m sure he’s just busy,” Baxley said. “I mean, I’ve got the perfect bracket and he promised $1 billion for a perfect bracket . . . I’m just amazed that I’m the only one who’s done it, don’t people know you can just do it on the computer and print it out?”