BLUSSON HALL — With midterm season well underway for most of SFU’s undergraduate population, many students are feeling the pressure of looming exam dates. However, none of them know said pressure better than second year Psychology major, Stewart Terry. Terry, 19, announced via Facebook that his midterm had “literally destroyed him.”
The news that Terry had been actually dismantled by an examination came as a shock to many of his friends and family. His classmate, Matthew Everette, told The Peak, “At first I, of course, thought he had meant it figuratively. However, once I saw that he had added ‘literally’ into the post, I was shocked. Completely shocked.”
When asked if there was any way that Terry could have used the phrase for emphasis instead of to describe something that had happened in actuality, he added, “There is literally no way that someone this far into a university degree would make that mistake.”
The instructor of the course, Professor Elroy Dwight, was equally distraught at the news. He described it to The Peak as a “tragedy” that a nearly grown man could be just utterly decimated at the figurative hands of an inanimate piece of paper containing questions that were covered to an extensive degree in his class.
“That being said,” Dwight added, “I did do that thing where you have, like, one thing that could be right, one thing that is probably right, one thing you’ve never heard of, and then all of the above and none of the above . . . that definitely could have done it come to think of it.”
Though nobody has actually checked on the well-being of Terry, it would be completely inhumane to expect someone to witness the husk of a man who had been actually destroyed. The Peak can only imagine that it would involve something completely beyond the descriptive powers of written word.
