VANCOUVER — A man was brought into custody early this morning after running past a police squad car, and therefore clearly guilty of some sort of crime.
According to the police officer on duty, he saw the man through his car window and was forced to put down his donut and call down the block to see why he was running.
When confronted, the alleged jogger simply turned his head and pointed to the earphones he had on at which point the officer called for back up and started to pursue on foot. The runner was able to elude capture for several minutes until another officer cut him off with his vehicle and proceeded to tackle the suspect to the ground.
“I was just out for a morning jog,” explained the confused middle aged man in response to the police’s interrogation about his odd behaviour.
At this point the baffled officer could only produce the word “Why?” before demanding that the man “just tell them the truth about why he was running.”
Despite the jogger’s ramblings about “healthy lifestyles” and “fitness regiments,” the officer still couldn’t see any sense in his actions.
Confused and suspicious of these answers, the police questioned the suspects neighbours who provided some shocking insight into his past.
“Yeah, he gets up early and runs at least three times a week,” said a next door neighbour. “I always thought it was a bit strange, but he says he enjoys it.”
However, police have refused to believe such an unorthodox theory that goes against all common sense. “It just doesn’t make sense . . . he must be hiding something,” the officer told The Peak in utter bewilderment.
The jogger will be held in custody while his actions are investigated. In the event that he is telling the truth and he does just enjoy jogging, police recommend that he be committed to a mental institute where he would be treated until he is deemed to be of a sound mind.
(y)