BURNABY — With the recent shocking revelations that university frosh activities include idiotic and mindless mob mentality making headlines across the country, SFU’s business school is extremely frustrated and regretful that none of their stupidity has been picked up by any major news publications.
“I was absolutely shocked when I saw the SMU and UBC frosh ‘rape-chant’ stories” explained one upset Beedie frosh-leader. “I just thought it was terrible . . . how does such an idiotic chant make every major newspaper in Canada and no one even says a word about any of the disgraceful activities that went on at our frosh?”
According to organizers of the Beedie Frosh, there were plenty of things being said during their events that could be considered quite derogatory and behavior that was just plain reckless but once again UBC got all the attention.
“We acted like fucking idiots at our frosh, I swear to god” reasoned Bill Paxton, a first-year Beedie commerce student. “I heard a lot of racist, sexist and just moronic banter all over the place but do we get any media attention? No. Meanwhile UBC copies one rape-y chant and gets on front pages everywhere . . . that’s not fair!”
Believing the old adage that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, Beedie is appalled by the media’s lack of interest in their students’ disgraceful frosh activities.
“Just because we aren’t so obvious about our lack of morals and common decency at SFU doesn’t mean we’re better people who don’t deserve at least some local news time.” Paxton continued, distraught about the declining interest in ‘subtlety’ of offensive college behavior, “UBC’s rape chant was just so uninspired . . . it’s nowhere near as creative as our Pipe Band’s orientation rape chanters.”
Although Beedie has stated that the lack of anger towards their students is “in no way consistent with what the students are like as people,” the school has decided to move forward and leave the lack-of drama behind and instead focus on continuing to develop the students as “the assholes of the future.”
