Dropping derogatory vocab should be compulsory after age 20
I say a lot of dumb shit. I put my foot in my mouth all the time, and I speak aggressively before finding out the whole story. While these are fine “skills” for an opinions editor to have, sometimes they leave me wondering, “Aren’t I an asshole?”
The good news is that I’ve cleaned up my vocabulary significantly since I could legally drink (not for any reason in particular, it just happened that way), but one word has been my last holdout of offensive and politically incorrect speech — the R-word: retard.
I need to stop this. What’s more embarrassing is that I can recall adamantly defending using it in the fairly recent past, as though I had some kind of inherent right to it (although I guess that line of argument is kind of meta). Even in writing this, there’s that small part of me that wants to just keep using it, but my rational for doing so is literally indefensible.
My line of thinking goes a little like this: yeah, but I don’t mean that you actually have some kind of learning disability or impairment, I just mean, like, y’know, dumb, or annoying. I would never do this with other derogatory terms, so why will I backpedal for this one?
A few times I’ve caught myself and replaced the R-word with “developmentally challenged,” as if that isn’t equally offensive. Either way I’m replacing my actual feelings with a cop-out phrase that doesn’t hurt me because I don’t have any kind of actual, medically documented “retardations” that I’m aware of. I’m casually projecting my frustrations onto an othered group instead of articulating what my actual issues are.
For the love of all cottonbased fabrics, I’m an English major. There is no excuse for not coming up with a better word.
The etymology of the word “retard” is actually fairly interesting. For those who remember grade 5 French class, played a musical instrument, and/or giggled every time a teacher told you you were “tardy,” you’ll remember that it’s generally a word that means to be slowed down or late.
It can also mean coming behind or after a person or thing (i.e. somewhat in retard of everyone else, she decided to stop using the R-word in a derogatory way), or it can be used to describe the age of the tide. I don’t really get that one, but apparently it has to do with friction?
My favourite unexpected definition has to do with sparkplugs and ignition systems, where you postpone the initial spark. But then there’s the most common definition, specific to North America, “4.a. (a) Educ. and Psychol. A person displaying or characterized by developmental delay or learning difficulties; (b) Educ. a child whose educational progress or level of attainment has fallen behind that expected for his or her age.”
All of these definitions are irrelevant, quite frankly, except the last. Even if I’m describing something physically behind me, or a knocking sound in my car due to a delayed spark in the ignition line, I can use other words or phrases.
When I call something I don’t like or someone who I feel has wronged me “retarded,” it’s no better than calling a shirt “gay” because we wouldn’t wear it. It’s a derogatory term that aligns an involuntary state of mind with being lesser-than.
The words we choose to use on a regular basis have power. In my tenure as opinions editor, I learned the magnitude of this the hard way — people don’t often like publicly owning up to their words, especially in a forum like this where their name and choice of phrases will be linked forever in both a hard and digital copy.
Working with those of you who contributed, wrote e-mails, commented or responded to tweets made me realize the importance of this, so thank you for that. In return, you have my word to give up an outdated and offensive one.
