Meteor storm over Chelyabinsk sends citizens into a state of ennui, frantically go about their day.
By Gary Lim (Junior Cosmonaut)
CHELYABINSK — The incredible took place early morning today over the Ural mountains, when an unidentified flying object burned across the sky. The object, which left a smoldering scar hundreds of miles across before spectacularly exploding over the Chelyabinsk industrial district, was just one of multiple pieces of space debris that bombarded the region. The event lasted approximately 12 minutes and was witnessed by dozens of completely disinterested locals.
The Peak contacted administrative head of Chelyabinsk, Stalinslav Mosharo, to discuss the impacts of the devastating meteor shower, which include over 400 people injured. “Yes, there was meteors today. Yesterday was rain. What is it you want to be talking about?” He spent the remaining 45 minutes of the interview discussing the importance of work ethic.
Notable damage caused by the suborbital impact included damage to a local zinc factory, where all windows on the northern wall were blown out and 600 square meters of roofing had collapsed, much to the mild indifference of the workers inside at the time.
One of the factory workers Aleksei Furmanov, a zinc smelter, gave a statement to reporters, “What are you doing here, you are in my way, I am trying to smelt zinc.” First responders were also seen roaming the factory floor half-heartedly removing shrapnel and bandaging workers who were on their cigarette breaks.
Michelle Gagarin and her husband Robert, two Canadians visiting family in the region, were among to first the capture video footage of the meteor shower. She recounts the experience.
“It was indescribable. A falling star burning across the sky and not only could you see it, you could hear it. It was a high pitched scream that grew louder and louder, until you couldn’t stand it anymore. Windows were exploding, and — I kid you not — a piece the size of a tennis ball slammed into ground not 20 feet from where I was standing. It was like what I imagine a volcano going off must be like, something primal and all-powerful.”
In the hours following the event, a press release from sent out from the highest offices of the Russian government, to assuage the unfazed Russian people.
“We regret any damage to the Russian factories and people. All citizens of the Chelyabinsk region will work an extra day to offset the loss in productivity caused by meteor strike.” The speech was greeted well by crowds of Chelyabinskis nodding sternly in agreement.
As of press time, the sounding of air raid sirens has caused all outdoor Russians to look up at the sky, shrug and continue on with their day.
