zach siddiqui
Pokémon Sword and Shield emphasizes fun over fanaticism
November 24, 2019By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor When I picked up Pokémon Shield, my expectations weren’t what I’d call coherent. I had high hopes based on my usual excitement for the start of a new Pokémon generation; I was also very scared, having absorbed masses of online vitriol about how disappointed hardcore fans were with these upcoming games, mostly stemming from “Dexit” — what people are calling the fact that not all 890 Pokémon can be transferred into Sword and Shield. Guess I’m a filthy little casual, because I loved the new Pokémon. Loved. It. That’s right: while I certainly couldn’t call these…
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10 ways to spend $10 at Mini Mart
October 7, 2019By: Talha Butt, Nicole Magas, Gabrielle McLaren, Marissa Ouyang, Marco Ovies, Brianna Quan, Andrea Renney, Paige Riding, Zach Siddiqui, Dylan Webb, Siloam Yeung Photos by Chris Ho Dear Minimart, It’s us: The Peak. Maybe you don’t know us, but we…
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COMING UP AT SFU: OCT 7–11
October 6, 2019Author: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Elections Canada Canada’s election season is rapidly approaching, and SFU students have an early-access pass. On October 5–9 — that’s Saturday through Wednesday — students can vote at one of three locations at SFU Burnaby.…
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Student withdraws emotionally from classes, is refunded only 50% of their emotions
September 23, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor After three weeks of struggling to love education, an SFU student withdrew emotionally from all their courses on Friday morning, choosing to not care at all for their academic performance this semester. Unfortunately, due…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 23–29
September 23, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your superiority complex is in full blossom. And you need to manifest it. Irritate your sketchiest, most unstable friend until they lop off your head and impale it on…
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Devil attends his first ever history seminar, tearfully thanks students who advocated for him
September 16, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Decades of SFU student activism have finally paid off, it seems. Last Monday, a HIST 466 seminar welcomed a very special new student: the Devil himself. Ever since Lucifer’s original fall from Heaven, the…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 9–15
September 9, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries Falling asleep on Burnaby Mountain is risky this week. You might find yourself sleepwalking across campus while dreaming of Build SFU manager Clark von Taine. Right when he faux-affably giggles at your incredulity…
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First-years deprived of icebreakers after climate change melts all remaining ice
September 3, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor This Tuesday, countless TAs discovered to their horror that it might not be possible to hold icebreaker activities for their students this fall. If SFU’s foremost environmental science professors are correct, global warming has…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 2–8
September 3, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 This week you’ll be tested emotionally. You’ll meet your professors and know instantly that they all bluffed their way through grad school. Trust your gut instincts. Just set fire…
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CONFESSIONALS: All along, I was the closeted capitalist
September 3, 2019Hey, SFU. I’m going to start by saying that this is really hard for me to talk about. It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. But I’ve realized that you can’t just run away from your authentic self. Not…
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