Sonya Janeshewski
Robot bust-up in west mall
March 31, 2026By: Jonah Lazar, Staff Writer People passing through the west mall complex were left stunned as two robots began trading blows, wreaking havoc, and endangering bystanders in a dispute over a charging port. Witnesses report that this brief altercation resulted with one robot swiftly imposing its will upon its adversary. “It pulled [its opponent’s] gearbox right out of its chest all Indiana Jones-style. It was horrible,” said Avery Bennett, SFU student. The Beep learned that the defeated robot was airlifted to a special robot intensive care unit. Meanwhile the perpetrating droid was taken into the robotics department to be factory…
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Shark Bowl: The BC Conservative Party leadership race
March 16, 2026By: Sheela McGummery, Legislative Correspondent After John Rustad’s scandalous exit from leadership, the BC Conservative Party recently announced a new format for our leadership debates. Candidates will participate in a new reality TV show: Shark Bowl — BC Conservative Party…
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Does your love life need a nudge in the right direction?
February 13, 2026By: Sonya Janeshewski, Peak Associate Have you always dreamed of a fairytale romance like the ones in the movies? That famous story of love at first sight that feels straight out of a Hallmark rom-com? I have the answer for…
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Peak positions: Sex tips from your student paper
February 9, 2026By: Your Bedsheets Tired of the same boring old stuff in the bedroom? Hoping to spice things up? Look no further. Here are The Peak’s top horizontal tango positions: The McFogg You’ve probably heard of doggy style. This one’s similar,…
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Pineapples defy new pizza permission policy
January 27, 2026By: Maya Papaya On Friday, Burnaby witnessed its 67th protest concerning pizza purist legislation. Bill C-XX, a provincial law restricting the allowed composition of pizza configurations to cheese and meat (Section X,xx: Only animal products and byproducts may be used…
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Opinions in Dialogue: Christmas markets
January 13, 2026By: Clara Xu, SFU Student, and Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer Christmas markets are a hallmark of the festive season. A staple in countries like Germany and Austria, these open-air holiday markets are, unfortunately, few and far between in Western Canada.…
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The elbows up cult is ruining cooperation in Parliament
January 5, 2026By: Mason Mattu, Section Editor In a minority government, cooperation with other parties is essential to ensure stability and unnecessary elections. Budget votes are where this cooperation becomes non-negotiable, as they are confidence votes. Which means if a majority of…
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i dream in decay
March 27, 2025By: Sofia Chassomeris, Opinions Editor this body aches for death, a cure? a resolution, like it longs to rest in the muddy embrace of a grave so that the earth may hold me as gently as my tender flesh allows.…
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Cosmic glamour at The Birdhouse
February 13, 2025By: Yasmin Hassan, Staff Writer It was a cool night in January, my new boots dug into my heels and made it hard to walk straight, but I kept trudging happily on towards my beacon of light; The Birdhouse. Why?…
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Horoscopes: Lunar New Year edition
January 27, 2025By: Izzy Cheung, Arts & Culture and Sports Editor Snake 1965 (Us???), 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025 Snakes, 2025 is going to be your year. Want to know why? Since this year is the year of the snake, it’s time…
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