Paige Riding
An SFU Halloween choose your own adventure
October 28, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor INTRO: It’s Halloween! And you, being the procrastinating piece of shit you are, left a major project due tonight until this morning. With someone in your house dressed as a bootleg Coraline wearing a blue mop head blaring the same three seconds of a Melanie Martinez song for a ~spooky~ TikTok, you opt to work on campus. It’s a Friday night during remote learning. You thought you were alone. START: Suddenly, a bang sounds from RCB. You snap your head up as your 450 out of 1,000 words scream at you to not look away.…
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Fiancés upset they can’t hold big wedding that would have ended in divorce six months later
October 20, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor SURREY, BC — After moving out from the rock they were living under, a couple is devastated to learn that a pandemic would be preventing them from hosting their planned 500-person wedding this fall. In…
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A fevered conversation between a student and professor at 2:37 a.m.
October 12, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor 11:42 p.m. hi Dr Gawner, my name is Lindsay Haugh. i am in your psyc 388 class. I will be honest, I started the paper due tonight a few hours ago and i do not…
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SFU’s Hierarchy of Needs
October 4, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor Physiological needs Lofi hip hop radio - beats to relax/study to A bootleg textbook PDF missing half the pages because you were too cheap to buy the actual book A Quizlet or flashcards pile with…
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Wildlife to move into Beedie student’s forest tattoo sleeve following increase in campus construction
September 27, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor Dear SFU, I know that with all those new stunning, only entirely gentrified cinder blocks you call your new Residence buildings are taking a toll on the wildlife and their habitats. But who can blame…
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In-person dating horror stories
September 26, 2020By: Serena Bains, Shangrila Plaza, and Paige Riding Horror movie binge (by Serena) When you live in Surrey, in-person dating means that going anywhere else is a date. It also means that overrated events like Fright Night at the PNE…
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Rejected ideas for the Student Union Building (SUB)
September 21, 2020By: Juztin Bello, Carter Hemion, Emma Jean, Paige Riding, Nathan Tok, and Sara Wong Escape room (By Juztin) As any SFU student knows, being on campus is already kind of like being in an escape room: you’re anxious, have the overwhelming…
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Apocamoth Now
September 20, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor September 1 (Day 1): Dear Diary, New year, new me, baby. I don’t know what it is, but something feels funny about coming back to campus. I’m all settled in my dorm room, ready for…
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Guy who responds with forehead picture and no caption better communicator than SFU, survey reports
September 14, 2020By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor BURNABY, BC — A new survey expressed the SFU community’s overwhelming preference for communicating with a dude on their Snapchat friend list who “kinda sucks at making conversation” over those in charge of their university’s…
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