SFU’s Hierarchy of Needs

To reach self-actualization, every SFU student needs the following:

PHOTO: Edvard Alexander Rølvaag / Unsplash

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor

  1. Physiological needs
  • Lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to 
  • A bootleg textbook PDF missing half the pages because you were too cheap to buy the actual book 
  • A Quizlet or flashcards pile with two entries that you gave up on
  • The SFU hoodie you bought out of obligation looking sadly on as you unlock your phone to Google an answer again 
  • Four water bottles on your desk filled halfway with lukewarm water, half with the expelled air of your melancholic sighs

2. Safety needs

  • A Google Doc full of links you were too lazy to organize to articles that you swear had something to do with your research paper but you will probably never read through
  • A pitiful Note in your phone titled “To do:” followed by tasks you most certainly did not do and a link to a YouTube video you wanted to watch later about bathroom hacks
  • A Canvas tab constantly open to refresh for the assignments you swear you have but aren’t listed

3. Belongingness and love needs

  • 95 unopened emotional support PSYC 241 spam emails
  • A message request on Instagram from a sex spam bot
  • A class group chat with two people who actually answer questions and 58 leechers (including you)
  • Your two friends from high school who never message you first

4. Esteem needs

  • The only 100% you’ve gotten this semester being the pass/fail discussion post where you talked about that one other class you paid attention in
  • Not dropping out yet, baby

5. Self-actualization

  • Discovering and accepting that it really do be like that sometimes