Marissa Ouyang
Horoscopes November 28th – December 3rd
November 28, 2022By: Hana Hoffman, SFU Student Aries Look into the sky tonight when the whole town has their lights off and the ambience is cold, silent, and peaceful. Count how many stars you see with your vision, then make a wish for each one. Why do this? Because every one of those wishes will come true next year. Taurus Think back on all the nights of 2022 so far. Do you think your average hours of sleep per night was above or below seven hours? Whatever it may be, try to get a slightly higher average next year. Or maybe you’ll…
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Horoscopes: November 14–19
November 13, 2022By: Hana Hoffman, SFU Student Aries You woke up feeling tired, it’s just one of those days. But remember that energy-boosting mushroom item you had the last time you played Mario Kart? Yes, it’s still in your possession because you…
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Horoscopes: November 7–11
November 6, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer, Bitter and Critical Aries You started listening to Christmas music as soon as the clock striked midnight on November 1st. We know you do it to cope with the impending doom that comes with finals…
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Confessionals: I look at episode summaries of shows I say I’ll watch
October 20, 2022By: Showstopper Dearly beloved, sinners, and worse, drivers in downtown Vancouver, I come to this sacred space to confess another crime. It has taken me years to admit this about myself, but I think it’s always good to set examples…
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Horoscopes Oct 10th–Oct 16th
October 10, 2022By: Kelly Chia, reader of the Stars and fanfiction Aries: Take literary inspiration and dress up as a scarlet “A” this year, as in Scarlet Letter. Not only will you show your teachers initiative by dressing as an A, you…
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Confessionals: Halloween girlie refuses to be confronted by her own fears
October 5, 2022By: Ab-horror-nt and Valid (Kelly Chia, Humour Editor) I am human. I am mortal. And alas, I think I have an all too relatable conundrum. The fall of all reputable Halloween girlies, the grand hamartia of everyone who claims they…
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Horoscopes Sept 26th–Oct 2nd
September 28, 2022By: Max Lorette and Kelly Chia, Partners in Star Crimes Aries Don’t look now, Aries, but the junk folder in your email is beginning to grow sentient. Before long, it will be strong enough. The Stars haven’t told me exactly…
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Horoscopes: September 19–24
September 19, 2022By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer Aries Go for a mocha this fall, Aries. It’s the perfect blend of sweetness and deep richness which energizes you just enough to make it through a productive day of studying and writing lecture notes.…
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Horoscopes Sept 12–20
September 12, 2022By: Max Lorette, Peak Associate and the vessel of an unknowable entity Aries: This week, I think you should branch out a little. Go for a walk in nature, collect some sticks off the ground, and join your brethren amongst…
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Horoscopes September 5–11
September 8, 2022By: Max Lorette, puts the “ho” in horoscopes Aries: Have you remembered to pack an umbrella in your backpack yet, Aries? Don’t forget you live in a temperate rainforest; the weather can change with a drop of a hat. Plus, we…
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