HUMOUR
Dr. Sellout’s Whole-Day Miracle Cleanse
May 8, 2017By: Vincent Justin Mitra Are you looking to gain and/or lose weight? Do you have too many toxins, dioxins, and xeroxins oozing out of your pores and other orifices? Then try Dr. Sellout's Miracle Cleanse! Other cleanses promise that their "special" food will push the negative sludge out of your body. Trust me, Dr. Sellout! I've been eating things to push other things out of my body for over 20 years! You've tried all those other cleanses that promised results; now try the one that promises nothing! It's a miracle! Breakfast : Double Hashbrown McGriddle Do you need a quick…
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How to take a good nude
January 16, 2017If you are a heterosexual male who says “No homo, bro,” after bestowing your friend with some love, I prohibit you from reading further; you are also the same individual who would say, “Netflix and chill?” to anything that moves.…
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Baby on plane actually crying about her carbon footprint
January 16, 2017Ever been on a plane and had a baby cry nonstop the entire flight? Well, those cries may have the intention of bringing you back down to Earth. Flora Goldenflower may only be three months old, but has the ethical…
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Snowmageddon: A Vancouverite’s guide to dealing with snow
January 16, 2017The recent dumping of snow over our city has left Vancouverites feeling defenseless, hopeless, and just plain useless at times. We’re talking about people whose driving skills are even further challenged and grown men fighting over salt. So even though…
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Hot new slang to use in 2017
January 4, 2017Lemon-sucking fuck-face: Bae is a lazy acronym for lazy lovers who blow their load before you can even start thinking about having an orgasm. You left that premature motherfucker in 2016 for better dick, and you should leave the term…
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The Spider Curse is a fate worse than death!
February 22, 2016[dropcap]S[/dropcap]pringtime is once again nearly upon us. While some may be excited for the blossoming flowers and warming weather, a great threat lurks among us, overlooked: spring is spider-hatching season, and as we speak, the egg sacs of autumn are…
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HUMOUR: Dissecting the mannerisms of human texting behaviours
November 16, 2015Most people might not notice the hints about their personalities revealed through their texting habits; we have become such an antisocial culture that our texts now contain inflection. We can’t sit in a crowded room anymore and start a conversation…
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Laugh Track: An interview with Kyle Bottom
November 9, 2015Vancouver’s Kyle Bottom is a man who wears many hats. Aside from nearly a decade and a half of stand-up experience, Bottom’s also the artist booker for downtown favourite The Comedy Mix and showrunner for Comedy Bucket, a monthly riffing…
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HUMOUR: Moustaches growing humans for slacktivism awareness
November 9, 2015It’s November, which means it’s the time of year for moustaches everywhere to start sprouting patchy humans on their upper hairs in hopes of raising awareness about slacktivism. “Most people aren’t really that well-informed when it comes to slacktivism,” said…
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HUMOUR: Horoscopes: November 9–15
November 9, 2015Aries (March 21 to April 19): You’ve been working hard all week, so take some time to chillax. Do something fun, preferably leisureful — and no, studying to get ahead in your course reading isn’t considered “fun” by normal people.…
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