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Hot new slang to use in 2017

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Lemon-sucking fuck-face:

Bae is a lazy acronym for lazy lovers who blow their load before you can even start thinking about having an orgasm. You left that premature motherfucker in 2016 for better dick, and you should leave the term bae along with him.   

Lemon-sucking fuck-face is a much better term of endearment. The term is longer and it takes more commitment to say, showing your significant other exactly how committed you are to them. Nothing says love like a long, complicated insult involving fruits.

An example of how to use it: “My lemon-sucking fuck-face and I went on a very romantic hike and afterwards we sucked each other’s lemons dry.” Sexual innuendo including lemons is optional, but encouraged.    

Pubey:

It’s the new age, people. It’s a pubey age.

2017 is the year where we’ll all finally be cool with our body hair. It’s here, people. We can all accept ourselves for having hair on our ass cracks and nipples, and stop shaming our hair follicles. We all, 100 percent, have pulled a very long and very ungodly hair out of a very sensitive area in our lives, and we’re going to stop lying to ourselves about it. It’s time to accept all of our hair. Brush out your moustache and don’t worry, you look beautiful.  Let your hair down, girl — your pubic hair.

It’s going to be a revolutionary year. It’s going to be a pubey year.

I’m going to fuck your Pomeranian fluff-hole

The easiest way to tell someone off.  Every time a baby-boomer makes a vaguely racist comment and expects you to laugh along, you can now easily silence them with this verbal punch in their problematic ideology.

And now you may be thinking, “fucking Pomeranian fluff-holes is too crude.” But you’re wrong.
If anything, it isn’t crude enough. This culture of ours has basically perverted everything it can get its tentacles on. We take our dicks out for everything — especially apes.  So keep up. It’s the year of the fluff-hole.

Clit

2016 was lit. 2017 is gonna be clit.

The clit is the perfect mascot for a great time. No one has a better time than the clit — the clit is the life of the party, and of the female genitalia.

It’s easy to have a clit time. All you have to do is fight the patriarchy while partying. “Me and my boys are going to go out on the town, not give into the pressure society puts on us to be masculine, and we’re going to just have a great time together. It’s going to be clit, mate!”

Tru-douche

Back in 2016, some of us voted for this pretty boy because for some reason we thought that a boy band member could run our country. Now, with this pipeline full of shit spewing in our faces, we need a word for someone who is a big dickbag to Canada — someone who would punch a beaver in the face and defecate on Canadian hero Avril Lavigne.

Cue tru-douche. This insult is perfect to use against any asshole to attack sweet ol’ Canada.

The term originated in the Baltic Nations, but since that isn’t a place, you saw it here first.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society