HUMOUR
Oh, The Places You’ll Go (Before and After you Convocate)
October 9, 2019Written by Jennifer Chou, SFU Student Oh, the places you’ll go! (Unless there is snow.) . . . Congratulations on gradu-waiting, it only took you six years. From construction that’s deteriorating and destroying your ears, to crowded lines at the 145. (When will the gondola arrive?) There are some things you won’t miss, Like Beedie-branded bottles and staring into the abyss. What about April Fools’ Day, when we farted in Convo Mall and walked away? Or those posters about some Club Crawl, and Naruto-running to class in the AQ hall? Don’t forget searching for microwaves on campus,…
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A reading list of dark magical spellbooks for SFU students
October 8, 2019Written by Lubaba Mahmud, Staff Writer As we ALL totally know for a fact, each SFU library has an entire restricted section of dark magical grimoires, full of evil spells you can use to make your time in SFU a…
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AQ Boyfriend: An SFU Dating Sim
October 7, 2019Written by Winona Young, Features Editpr All you ever wanted from SFU was your degree. Maybe some dick, too, or perhaps a gondola. But by your final year, you never thought you’d find love in your Tuesday morning tutorial. Introducing…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 7–October 13
October 7, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 The consequences of all your weird behaviour and cryptic glares these past weeks are finally closing in on you. Don’t you dare accept this. You’ve done no wrongs. Your…
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Driver spontaneously evaporates while complaining about Vancouver climate strike
October 3, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor VANCOUVER, BC — On Friday afternoon, Richard Sunnyvale, 39, dissolved into vapour right in the middle of a Yaletown nightclub, to the shock of his fellow Gen X debauchees. Witnesses report that Sunnyvale had…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 30–October 6
September 30, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You might be bored to hot tears by this week’s class presentation. Channel your crazy into charity for once, and go take over the entire show from your bleary-eyed,…
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Closure cravings: My life of starting and ending romances just for the post-relationship coffee dates
September 30, 2019Written by Zoe Vedova, Peak Associate My heartbeat was frenetic that morning. It shook the blood in my veins as I gripped my phone. I’d contracted a heinous bout of emotional stability. Now, the hunger for relationship turmoil screamed through…
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SFU Hockey riots after pile of dead rats in Residences is prioritized for NCAA accreditation
September 30, 2019Written by Dylan Webb, Sports Editor The NCAA National Committee has released their list of sports programs that will receive NCAA accreditation for the 2019–20 athletics season. Among the notable additions to SFU’s already strong slate of NCAA-competing programs are…
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CONFESSIONALS: I convinced my professor to start the tapeworm diet
September 28, 2019Written by Ana Staskevich, Peak Associate Forgive me, SFU trash-panda gods, for I have sinned. Disclaimer: I’m actually a PRETTY GOOD student with a decent enough GPA — well, I’m not on academic probation, at least. And I know that…
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Quiz: Am I baby or am I just trying my best?
September 28, 2019Written by Kelly Chia, Staff Writer “Baby.” A one-word concept that has swept Twitter like renewed wildfire. The innocence, the dreaming, the heartbreak, the meme-ing . . . when that adorable little photo of Kirby points to the blackboard, millions…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]