HUMOUR
QUIZ: Do you have a Snap Streak or do you respect yourself?
June 3, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor How old are you? a) Baby b) Bewildered How susceptible are you to peer pressure? a) Shine bright like a diamond, shine bright like a diamond . . . b) I communicate boundaries in a healthy way and arrive at mutually beneficial compromises Your first thought when someone doesn’t answer your text, call, or message right away? a) “I guess this flame emoji is just the funeral pyre for this relationship, sorry for drowning what we had, I guess” b) Thoughts are from Satan Would you say you read really deeply into your interactions…
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“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm,” man coos at decorative candles
June 3, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor “People are always criticizing me for buying things I don’t need,” says Sean. “But it’s not about whether I need these candles; it’s about letting these candles know that they need themselves.” Sean’s house…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: June 1–7
June 3, 2020Written by Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: You’ve always been annoyed by unoriginal people. You’re just so sick of Instagram users screenshotting tweets and reposting them. Just like Twitter, you did it first. You are the first sign in the…
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“I miss my sisters,” says treasurer who can’t defraud her sorority anymore
May 25, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor BURNABY, BC — Gracie O’Brien, a fourth year economics student at SFU, reported in several of her group chats this week that she was really missing her sorority sisters in Iota Omicron Upsilon (IOU). As…
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Fake friendships to reopen on “optional, part-time basis”
May 25, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Forget the economy: it’s time to bring back an even more arbitrary part of our lives, authorities say. The British Columbian government has recommended that throughout the province, fake friendships begin reopening, possibly as early…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: May 25–31
May 25, 2020By: Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: You’re en route to make a better comeback than all the ice cream trucks randomly reappearing. Like a phoenix, you continue rising from the ashes. But why did you set that ice cream truck and…
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CONFESSIONALS: Yoga taught me to let go and steal my neighbour’s mail!
May 24, 2020By: Michelle Young, Staff Writer Cat pose, Sphinx pose, Ragdoll . . . I inhale and exhale, and I feel all my negative energy leave me. Exiting through my palms, slipping through my fingers — just like my career has. I…
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“peasants i am leaving you for something better”: A Simon Fraser story
May 23, 2020By: Hannah Davis, Peak Associate I gaze at my reflection in a silver spoon in Mackenzie Café, untangle a perfect curl from my mile-long natural lashes, and chuckle at a measly peasant boy who walks by me, completely unaware of…
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Six Quick & Easy Breads To Cuddle For Your Touch Starvation
May 17, 2020Written by Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer Let’s be real here: you’re lonely. You’re isolated, and you’re starved . . . touch-starved, to be exact. You’ve resorted to all kinds of desperate measures to satisfy your need for human contact. But…
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How to Clean, Season, and Cook With Your Cast-Iron Excuses
May 16, 2020Written by Rodolfo Boskovic, Peak Associate Taking care of yourself can be a struggle once you’ve moved out, and there’s a lot to learn about how to manage your new household. Just look at your kitchen: it’s shocking how many…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]