HUMOUR
Grade 12 students petition for grad ceremony with classmates they hate
May 15, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor PORT COQUITLAM, BC — Just like all the other Grade 12 students in British Columbia, Courtney Pierce has been counting the days until her one last chance to party with 400 people she blatantly despises. Now, her cancelled grad has left her heartbroken. Across the country, Pierce is one of many students who’ve lost their end-of-year festivities because close contact with their fellow grads could scar them physically instead of just mentally. Together with her classmates from Port Island Secondary School (PISS), Pierce has launched a petition for their school district to hold an…
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Top 5 Ongoing Neighbourhood Dramas To Binge-Watch Through Your Bedroom Window This Month
May 15, 2020Written by Madeleine Chan, Staff Writer Are you stuck at home? Have you sucked your favourite streaming service as dry as you’ve been sucked of motivation? Fear not, for we’ve curated for you the perfect list of lounge-worthy dramas to…
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CONFESSIONALS: I matched with the SFU Avocado
May 15, 2020Written by AvocadoLover69, SFU Student Disclaimer: The events and people in this story are (well, mostly) real. Names and places have been changed in order to protect these individuals' identities. It was just another night of aimlessly scrolling through Tinder…
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Hey, Rapunzel here — I think my quarantine haircut just killed a man
May 15, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor To misquote Veronica Sawyer of Heathers fame, my quarantine hair-angst bullshit has a body count. I mean, I wouldn’t say I feel crazy guilty. Obviously I didn’t want any of my suitors to die.…
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Ese Atawo and Courtenay Mayes explore vulnerability through humour
May 14, 2020Despite isolation having been a thing for over a month now, the Art and Humour talk of Vancouver Art Gallery’s (VAG) weekly Art Connects series is the first virtual event I attended. If I could choose just one word to…
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How To Make Sure Your Virtual Classmates Still Know How Pretty You Are
May 14, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Amidst the virtual academia of COVID-19, beauty is a beast of burden. Nothing’s worse than knowing your classmates will never get to experience your glow in person and die of crippling inferiority complexes! Desperate…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: May 11–17
May 11, 2020Written by Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: How’s that “grass is greener on the other side” mindset going for you now? Take the time to forgive yourself for that compulsory Amazon purchase. Which one, you ask? Maybe the one that didn’t…
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“She’s serving a look,” says woman about neighbour’s fern
May 11, 2020Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor PORT COQUITLAM, BC — On Tuesday morning, local quarantiner Angelica Velasquez reported that her neighbour’s plants were looking hot as fuck, especially the maidenhair fern growing in their window. “She [the fern] has always…
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5 Britney Spears Bops That Were All About Class Consciousness, All Along
April 19, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Ever since Britney Spears’ iconic post about wealth redistribution went viral on Twitter, long-time fans have been scouring her past music like The Da Vinci Code looking to retroactively uphold their idol’s woke honour. Luckily…
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CONFESSIONALS: I finally found myself, and everything I found horrified me
March 31, 2020By: Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor With my $40 trip to Greece abruptly cancelled, I wasn’t going to give up on self-discovery. And that, really, was my downfall. Ever since my brief stint as a volleyball player in middle school, I’ve…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]