HUMOUR
Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 12–18
November 12, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Stop it with the selfishness this week. Make some sacrifices. Like becoming a ritual sacrifice to the dark entity slumbering inside Forum Chambers. Your bone marrow will feed the infernal piano as it plays autonomous covers of the Puella Magi Madoka Magica opening theme in the middle of the night. Taurus — April 20–May 20 The deep red ink plastering your graded assignments may trigger your dissociative scholar-rage episodes this week. But you must control yourself. You’ve had those assignments back for three weeks now and your TA has…
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SFU FANFICTION: The Demon and the Concrete Man — Chapter 3 [COMPLETE]
November 12, 2019Written by Kelly Chia, Staff Writer Disclaimer: *turns around in office chair, stroking a soft white cat* It is November, bitches. Once again, it is time for me to bless you with my words. Also please stop with the anonymous…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 5–11
November 6, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 You could participate in NaNoWriMo this year. But why write a rushed novel when your whole life is basically a rushed novel? Complete with contrived misfortunes, an arbitrary plot…
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Overly friendly professor destroys students’ lives for forgetting to call him by first name
November 6, 2019Written by Nathaniel Tok, Peak Associate Assistant professor Michael McManfred, a recent hire for the Department of Legal, Ethical, and General Investigative Technology (LEGIT), has been censured by the university for destroying the well-being of his first year LEGIT 105…
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Man pauses to breathe, gives audience fleeting false hope that he’s done talking
October 31, 2019Written by Kelly Chia, Staff Writer It’s Thursday afternoon, and we have a breaking headline coming in from the conference room in the West Mall Centre. The speaker, a young man, pauses to take a single breath . . .…
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Trapped on campus: Your guide to surviving Halloween night at SFU
October 31, 2019Written by Zoe Vedova, Peak Associate It’s Thursday evening — October 31. While all your friends are smearing on eyeshadow from garish palettes they’ve saved since middle school and ripping open miniature Kit Kats with their teeth as they pre-game…
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Deadweight
October 30, 2019Written by Rodolfo Boskovich, SFU Student “OK, I guess we may as well start,” I say to a roomful of students. “So! I’m gonna talk about the different aspects of—” The door bursts open. A decaying corpse stumbles in, Starbucks…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: October 29–November 4
October 29, 2019Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your stars spell terrible destinies for you this week. And you’re just going to have to put up with that. You think you have an unfair relationship with astronomy?…
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An open letter from an absentee
October 24, 2019Written by Aaron Barry, SFU Student Dear Classmates, You’ve seen me. I’m in your ENGL 206 class, your HIST 102W, your CMPT 307. I’m the one that used to sit in the back and make bad origami boats. Yeah —…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]